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What I’ve learned from ten years of Tantra

It was exactly ten years ago that I stepped into a Tantra workshop for the very first time – and my life changed forever.

By that time in my life, I had already enjoyed some amazing experiences with women and I had always been interested in sexuality. So the Tantra workshop confirmed the meaning of many of my past experiences as well as giving me a framework of ideas and practices that went on to change my life.

Now, Tantra is a word that either repels or intrigues people – and often both at the same time!
There is just so much guilt and shame around sexuality, nudity, genitals and pleasure, so I guess the word Tantra brings all kinds of things up around this.

So, what can you learn in a Tantra workshop that has the power to change your life?

The first thing I learned is that Tantra isn’t just about sex. It’s an entire philosophy and set of beliefs whereby sex and sexuality only makes up about five per cent of that. Although having said this, the workshop I attended focused on that five per cent, so let me share those learnings with you here.

I learned that sexual energy is the strongest energy available to us. It’s the energy that determines our vitality, creativity and personal power. And our sexual fluids contain vast amounts of this energy source. So it goes to follow that losing these fluids can deplete us while conserving them can make us stronger – physically, emotionally and mentally. The workshop taught me the importance of circulating sexual energy instead of losing it via ejaculation for men and clitoral orgasms for women.

At that time, I was already able to delay my ejaculation for an hour or so but I learned more techniques to make this easier. More importantly, I learned how important it is to not just delay my ejaculation but to avoid ejaculation all together – for weeks, months, and even longer. My own Tantric teacher is rumoured not to have ejaculated in twenty-five years!

Since that workshop, I have also chosen not to ejaculate for about eight of the ten years. Of course, I still had an accident here and there as well as wet dreams, but I had an intention not to ejaculate and instead conserve my sexual energy. I learned that a man can experience orgasms without ejaculating, and wow, I have had many mind-blowing experiences since then.

Tantra taught me to be a better lover, a better man and even a better person. I learned that there are seven different kinds of female orgasm – not just the standard, explosive clitoral type! I finally understood why my female partners got hypersensitive after having an orgasm and I was able to help them orgasm in a way that doesn’t cause this hypersensitivity. But why stop at seven types of orgasm?

Over the last ten years, I have expanded the definition of orgasm to include over twenty kinds of orgasm! I realized that when you expand your definition of orgasm, your orgasmic experiences expand as well. I learned how to keep women in hour-long orgasmic states and then later learned how to guide women to do this by themselves and with their lovers.

Tantra taught me the importance of embracing and expressing all of my energies and aspects, which includes the shadow and the wild side. So I played around with BDSM and various other sexual expressions to learn more about myself. I also realized how much time and energy I spent on sex, dating and relationships, so I also experimented with periods of celibacy or otherwise very infrequent sexual interactions.

Ten years of Tantra taught me to be a better lover – and then a great lover.

But it took me years to understand that being a great lover isn’t just about lasting longer and being able to bring my partner to orgasm for hours at a time. I realized that being a great lover is more about opening my partner to love, while opening myself to love at the same time. I might find it easy and deeply fulfilling to open my partner to love, but I’m still working on opening myself to receive love.

I am still learning. The learning will always continue. And that is part of the journey that Tantra has opened me to.

The Tantra workshop I attended all those years ago only mentioned yoni (vaginal) massage very briefly, but it was something I went on to explore at depth. I had witnessed how much women were disconnected from their femininity and from their sexual and orgasmic power – and I knew that yoni massage could help with this. I practiced it with my lovers and became very good at the massage itself as well as opening these women to their orgasmic power. So later I began offering this as a service to the women in the Tantric community.

This was when Tantra became not just something that I practiced for myself, but something that became related to my mission in life and my income. I started mentoring both men and women in the art and craft of yoni massage and soon began holding Tantra workshops for twenty to fifty people at a time. I became a sexual healer, coach, workshop facilitator, public speaker and author. And none of this would have been possible if I hadn’t gone to that Tantra workshop ten years ago.

And this has become the basis of the integrated-life model that I now teach to others.

And here’s what I ultimately learned after ten years of exploring Tantra and my life-long exploration of sexuality – one of the core secrets of great sex is the importance of self-pleasuring. This practice has transformed the orgasmic experience and sex lives of my clients, readers and workshops participants.

I have witnessed how sexuality affected every single aspect of my clients’ lives and how being orgasmic and sexually empowered has greatly improved their life as a whole.

All of this experience and realizations has inspired me so much so that I’ve published a book that encompasses everything I know about female sexuality and orgasm.

The book is called ‘Orgasm Unleashed – Your guide to pleasure, healing and power’. It includes insightful ideas and powerful practices that will help you to pleasure, heal and empower yourself – by yourself.  Read a sample chapter here.