I was recently interviewed by Almog Flitter on his podcast at Unstagnate, which aims to help others, who like himself, have a true and deep desire for self development and change. Its a place where he gathers advice from experts in many fields to help those with an open mind to continue there journey of learning and discovery of themselves.
The interview is below or you can listen to the whole episode here:
Host: Hi boys and girls and welcome to this episode of Unstagnate, where we have inspiring guests and out-of-the-box ideas about self-development. In this episode – sex.
Host: Everyone wants better sex but very few people actually do something about it. My guest today is Eyal Matsliah. Eyal is a modern sexual educator. He’s helped countless men and women experience more pleasure and better orgasms, alone or with a partner. He wrote a book called Orgasm Unleashed covering a ton of aspects of female orgasms and has a course for men called Ejaculation Control Program. As you can imagine he’s also got a pretty interesting life story.
If you’ve been interested in Tantra, or should I say the Tantric approach to sexuality, but all the hippie wah-wah stuff always scared you away or put you off, you wanna keep listening. Eyal has a way of making sense, being practical, he has a ton of experience and is obviously very passionate about helping people improve their sex lives.
In this episode we cover how Eyal became a asexual healer and educator, why people get stuck in their sex lives in the modern word, common mistakes people make when trying to improve their sex lives and how people often deal with the symptoms rather than the underlying problem, the various orgasmic states women can experience, the difference between clitorial and internal orgasms and other various orgasmic states, and how women can become more orgasmic, why men can improve their entire lives as well as, of course, their sex lives by ejaculating less and what to do with all that excess hornyness and sexual energy that obviously follows when you ejaculate less. And so yeah, a very interesting, practical, paradigm-shifting episode. And without further ado, Eyal Matsliah.
Host: Eyal, why don’t you tell people how does one become a sexual educator?
I think for most people when they think sexual education they think about highschool and an awkward teacher that tells you about the birds and the bees.
Eyal: By the way, I’m happy to be here.
Host: Thank you. We’re sitting in a Eyal’s house in Melbourne, Australia and sipping on teas on a mildly cold day by the way. So if you hear us sip, that’s what’s happening.
Eyal: We are both Israelis speaking with a funny accent, I think that’s a bonus. How did I get to this? So I was fascinated by sexuality my whole life, and I was actually the kid at the sexual education class asking the questions that nobody else was asking and sometimes questions that teachers did not want to answer
Host: Like what?
Eyal: Like how do lesbians have sex?
Host: OK. [laughs]
Eyal: I was always the one. I was like a young scientist that was playing with my next-door neighbor when I was six, he was five.
Host: That’s called science these days.
Eyal: Yea and it was like… but it was kinda like an exploration. It wasn’t like: “Oh, let’s be naughty”. It was like: “Oh, let’s conduct research, what’s going on there”. I was also a shy kid. It was a combination of sometimes I was very sure of myself, sometimes I was shy, and so for years I didn’t have sex, and when I did have sex for me its was “ Let’s enjoy everything” – every, smell every noise, every expression of the woman that I was with. And also I didn’t have sex until a very late age which is twenty.
Exal: For me I consider it late, which means for all of my teenagehood I was making out and making out actually is one of the most important things in knowing how to be a good lover, knowing how to have great foreplay.
Host: So the secret is to have frustrating years as a teenager and then you come…
Eyal: Yeah, yeah [laughs]
Host: That’s your first take-home message audience!
Eyal: Not so much the frustration, but more like the hours upon hours upon hours of doing everything but penetrative sex.
Host : Right.
Eyal: That really I think was what primed me. And also another thing is that I did not watch porn. Instead of porn I was reading martial art novels about ninjas and samurai and whatever.
Host: Can I stop you there, I’ve got a question about that. So I know that when I grew up… By the way this podcast is pretty explicit and there might be a bit too much information, so if you guys aren’t comfortable with that that’s time to hit the stop button, but when I grow up I didn’t grow up watching porn at all even when I did start becoming more sexual, it was more about erotica. It was more about Playboy and when the internet came by I was an early adopter and kinda like getting Playboy images of naked women onto the screen which, in retrospect, seems so innocent seeing what people are exposed to today so, sorry to interject, but I guess that maybe was part of it just because you had a lot of mystery to uncover when you actually had sex for the first time.
Eyal: It was mystery and also I didn’t get brain-washed into the wrong kind of images. When I said wrong it’s not so much a judgement but compared to how sex can be loving and sacred I don’t believe that modern day porn and hardcore porn doesn’t give really the right impression or the right education for people.
Host: OK, so we’re kind like still in your teenage years; how does one go from being a frustrated teenager that eventually has sex 1st time when they’re 20. Take us to like the next point in your journey to become a sexual educator.
Eyal: So I had, I started to be more and more sexually active, especially when I start travelling I went to Thailand to a small island called Ko Pha Ngan.
Host: So we both spent time in Ko Pha Ngan. By the time I arrive and spend some time in Ko Pha Ngan Eyal was gone but his spirit was floating around the place and I had come to hear of him and we only met a few years later.
Eyal: When I was there I started to have lots of sexual explorations and some of theme I was lasting, you know, very long, some of theme I was cumming the moment I would penetrate the woman and I would never I couldn’t figure it out. How can sometimes, I can literally make love, penetrative sex for an hour with a woman and other times and other women I would penetrate them and I’dbe done. And then I discovered what’s… I discovered a Tantra workshop, there was a Tantra workshop on the island. I did the Tantra workshop and literally my life changed. That was nearly 11 years ago 2005. And then I started practicing, which is having sex – sacred sex, loving sex, meaningful sex, it was just a one night stand for me it was never about…
Host: Wait wait, I’m sure everyone is asking, I’m asking, like, what did you learn in the tantra workshop? What was the one big idea you learned there if you had to like…
Eyal: Some of the things I learned I already had a feeling, a hunch on before
Eyal: And they just confirmed to me and my previous experiences about sex. Practically… Sorry, even before [Unintelligible]Theoretically that sex can be part of your life practice, part of your spiritual practice. I honestly wanted just to be a better lover, actually people remind me that I actually sat there in the restaurant and said: “ I just come here to be to have better sex”. And one of the things they told me is, for example, that the men doesn’t have to ejaculate: it’s actually better for a man not to ejaculate every time he has sex, minimize ejaculations. There’s different kinds of orgasms both men and women. There’s something called” sexual energy” and you learn how to feel your sexual energy, how to control your sexuality, how to move your sexual energy.
Eyal: I started learning this and then I would practice and would I have a lot of sex and when I was having a lot of sex sometimes I would have to pause or to stop penetration and I didn’t just, you know, twiddle my fingers, or rather I sued my fingers in order to pleasure my woman and give her vaginal massage what’s called Yoni massage and after a few years women were telling me: Oh, you’re really good with that, you really should offer this as a service”.
Host: I see. So it was a lover that just said: “Hey, you’ve done a lot of good by me, you should offer other women the gift of your vaginal massage”.
Host: And then what does that do for a woman except for just pleasure, ‘cause I know there is something else there, right?.
Eyal: This kind of sexual healing includes more than just viganal stimulacion. It includes whole body touch and even beyond the physical touch and it includes how you hold presence when you are with another person, with a woman for example, and the three benefits for this kind of work is pleasure, healing and power
Host: We will get into all of that cause we’ve actually sat and chatted about some stuff that we’re gonna cover today before we started talking about, but then following that you started a website, you have a website online at some point and…
Eyal: So before that I started doing sexual healing for people, one of my very first clients by the way is a woman named Layla Martin which is now one of the biggest sexual educators, one of the biggest let say upcoming, rising sexual educators in the world.
Host: She has a popular Youtube channel right Layla Martin. L-a-y-l-a Martin.
Eyal: So I started doing this and people started asking me: “ How do you do this how do you do that?” and I started holding workshops. My first workshop was like 50 people in front of me in my garden it was like one of the first times I held a workshop, so I started doing this more and more – I open a Tantra school in Australia. I opened the website and started working on the book, a blog… create the blog and so I started expressing my experience and my insights and my knowledge about this in various ways.
Host: Your website is IntimatePower.com, right? Great name by the way. I love it. I love the Yin and the Yang theme that’s going on there. So, we’re starting to get into the nature of your work, and if I was to ask you about the nature of your work a question that would be very interesting is, you know, this podcast is about getting unstuck. People get stuck in their sex lives… where do people get Stuck? What’s a point where people get stuck?
Eyal: I think that people… and again, excuse me for generalizing, but I think some generalizations are still true, is that people are looking for the magic pill. People look for a solution, and they always think the solution is outside of themselves.
Eyal: So it’s two things. One of them, it’s external and the second thing it needs to be like fast and easy.
Eyal: Somebody would deal with some sexual issue for twenty years and they want the fast and easy solution.
Host: Which is outside of themselves?
Host: Sounds like, yeah… Sorry, you say fast and outside of themselves and I immediately think about a vibrator.
Eyal: Yeah. A vibrator for women is one example.
Host: OK. What are other examples?
Eyal: We can go deeper into why a vibrator is actually not serving for women. I’m not saying that it’s bad, I’m not saying that anything is bad. I’m just saying there I “serving” and there is “not serving”.
Eyal: So this is one thing which thing which is not serving women because they get dependent on an external device. They receive a stimulation which is unnatural and that no man or woman can actually provide them. And it also becomes very much clitoral-focused, and there’s a whole wall inside that can be awakened, and there’s other stuff as well.
Host: So I want to just stop there for a second. and play devil’s advocate because you said “serving” and “not serving” and it’s clear for you that distinction, but for a lot of people listening, maybe the distinction isn’t that clear. Maybe they think to themselves: “Well, you know, who is this guy to tell me my vibrator is wrong, the vibrator that I use, the vibrator that I use with my partner is wrong when I just get pleasure out of it. What’s wrong with getting pleasure? What’s wrong with being, with enjoying myself? And I think it’s important to hear your point of view.
Host: Because it’s not moralistic, it’s different.
Host: What do you mean by the fact that you say it doesn’t serve them?
Eyal: That’s a great point And as a side-note, I’m not telling anybody what to do, so Just… I have my knowledge, my experience, and whoever wants to try is welcome to try. It is a very fair question by the way that some women would say. It’s like: “You are a man, how do you know?”. So I never had a clitoral orgasm or a g-spot orgasm or whatever, but I have been with many women, either making love or working with them as private clients. And also I’ve written a book that was endorsed by women and by sexual practitioners. The book is called Orgasm Unleashed: Your Guide to Pleasure, Healing and Power, available at Orgasmunleashed.com.
Host: And Amazon Bookstore?
Eyal: And yeah, Amazon, Kindle, the whole thing. So yeah, I’m not a woman but I did write a book for women that women say that really served them. So I just wanted to say that.
Eyal: And your question was about “serving” and “not serving”?
Eyal: With a clitoral orgasm, and again I’m generalizing, but many women want to experience clitoral orgasm. The next second after the orgasm the clitoris is becoming hypersensitive. It’s kinda like: “Uh, don’t touch it!” It’s kinda, you know, electric, hypersensitive and they feel like… little bit feeling like they’re done. At least for a few seconds it’s like you know, that’s it. And I couldn’t understand it when I was starting my sexual exploration. I was going down on a woman and she would have an orgasm, and a second later she would push me away. This is one thing. The next thing is that many women, they can continue, but in some ways they feel done. And this feeling of “done” is not exactly a deep feeling of satisfaction. It’s more like “I ticked a box, had an orgasm on to the next thing”.
Eyal: And it feels like MY orgasm, not our orgasmSo a woman would feel that her orgasmis very much sharp, short… It can be strong, it’s pleasurable, ‘m not saying it’s not pleasurable, but there’s also another world of orgasm, And I’m wondering if people are listening, and they never had this other world of orgasm, ask yourself – if there was another kind of orgasm that was stronger, that was more meaningful, that was much longer, would you like to experience it?
Host: Right. It’s very interesting by the way to listen to you speak about these things because I had seen you do a talk about female orgasms in a festival not long ago, maybe a month and a half or two months ago called ConFest in Australia, and at the time I was dating a woman who had problems having anything but clitoral orgasms. And when I shared those ideas with her, she was quite resistant, and I’m wondering what you think about that. If… because mostly your clients would be people that seek you out, or that are open to something else. But what if someone isn’t very open to that idea?
Eyal: Yeah, so, not just with my clients, I think with my website, people arrive at my website because they have an issue and they are googling something. Or they… I post articles on other websites and so on. So suddenly they see the title and it’s something that they’re interested in. People are attracted to my content because they are already facing something, so they are a little bit more open to changing. And if somebody has a resistance I would say: 2Why do they have the resistance”? And I’m not blaming them for the resistance because people are brain-washed. The feminist revolution in the sixties, you know it’s like they discovered, it’s like they invented the clitoris. The clitoris didn’t exist before the sixties. So women got more rights and they became sexually liberated, which is great, but they got into a place where they actually know less about their bodies than what is actually out there. Or let’s say in there.
Eyal; OK. So if there are women who are holding on ot cliteral stimulation I say: “Enjoy clitoral stimulation. ” And I teach women how to have cliteral stimulation but turn it into whole-body orgasms. .
Host: I guess the openness has to be there, or the willingness has to be there because it sounds like it’s not a very easy practice. So as we already ended up in this corner of our conversation, let’s talk more about that. So, what kind of sexual transformations do you help women facilitate and what are your major ideas about female sexuality? How do you help your clients with that?
Eyal: For both women and men by the way, I would focus… I would start with themselves.
Eyal: So again, people are looking for… you know, it’s like “I need a man that would make me orgasm. I need a woman so I could feel like a man”. And I would always say. “Start with yourself”. The first step I think in everything that you do in life is self-love. Loving yourself, accepting yourself for who you are and honestly I’m still dealing with this; I’m still on the path of great and deeper self-love. And I can say that as I’m loving myself more, people are loving me more. I’m loving other people more… Everything around me becomes easier and it flows better.
Host: What I like about what you just said is that you touched on that point that we said before about how the answer isn’t necessarily outside of yourself and quick, but rather inside yourself and is a process.
Host: It takes a while. By the way, before we started the interview we talking about how quick, out-of-yourself solutions are the kind of stuff that women would read about in Cosmo magazine or like “Five tips for…” I don’t know, what did you say?
Eyal: ” Five aphrodisiac foods that would make you orgasm”. Or “Five positions to have a g-spot orgasm”.
Host: What’s the equivalent for men by the way?
Eyal: Pff, I don’t know, “Five ways to drive her wild in bed tonight”.
Host: Yeah, right. OK.
Host: So it’s like “Five ways to last longer tonight” I don’t know if you wanna get to it right now, but they would suggest things like pills and creams and wearing like three condoms and thinking about football or whatever. So people are giving the wrong advice, and this is why people have mixed results and inconsistent results. So in going back to your question, what the first thing and the most important thing that I would recommend people to do, again after they o into self-love, is to love themselves physically.
Eyal: And I sometimes say or joke about that…. Not even joke, I actually say that the secret to great sex is knowing how to have great sex with yourself. And this is where it all starts from. And many people would say like: “Oh, I love sex, but I can not have sex with myself”. And if people are having sex with theirself they’re having very shallow, very technical, a little bit meaningless sexual experiences with themselves.
Host: So you’re not using the word masturbation by the way?
Eyal: Yeah. So most people masturbate or jerk off. and by the way, if you jerk off it makes you a…
Eyal: Yeah. So again, I’m not saying it as a judgement like “Oh you’re wrong and you’re going to go to hell”. If a man is masturbating and ejaculating every day, it’s not wrong – I’m just quite sure that he doesn’t feel so good about that, that he’s aware that it has negative effects on his life. It is dis-serving him. And if a woman is addicted to her vibrator, it’s also not serving her. So I would say go into what I call “self-pleasuring”. And self-pleasuring or self-loving, physical self-loving is first of all about connecting with yourself, connecting with your body. It’s not about orgasm, it’s not about… It’s first of all having that…Making love with yourself! And the next phase is…
Host: That’s pretty interesting. Maybe just for thirty seconds tell me what that means. Tell our audience what that means, to connect with yourself.
Eyal: A lot of sexual things that we do are very technical. So for example, as a man we would bring fiction to our cocks and it’s like, the very famous masturbation gesture, you know the five against one you know the… Your fist, your hand around your cock and that’s…
Eyal: And for women it’s using your fingers to masturbate, and again, it’s not wrong, but there’s so many levels to it. There’s also deeper ways to self-love. And a deeper way to self-love is going to the pre-pubescent way of touching yourself. So you see, many times you see kids touching their genitals before they orgasm, before they ejaculate. It’s like, they’re enjoying their connection with their body. And then society, you know usually their parents would say: “Ah, don’t touch there! Don’t do that”. I would go to that innocence first. As human beings we enjoy touching our genitals. we have pleasure from touching genitals. So without thinking, you know, g-spot orgasms, or becoming multi-orgasmic man, whatever, just hold your cocik, hold your pussy and have another hand on your heart. And just rest.
Eyal: Instead of going into intensity and friction and stuff. Just explore that connection.
Eyal: So that’s the very basic thing.
Host: And the “hand on the heart”, what is that?
Eyal: I see it as a very grounding, a very nurturing position. So you’re making a connection between your genitals and your heart. And that’s a very soothing thing as well, because sometimes when you’re working on this stuff, you might have some stuff coming up. Not just women, there’s kinda like this idea that only women have sexual trauma. Men have sexual trauma as well. I had some stuff in my childhood that wasn’t amazing, that wasn’t huge, but you know, some stuff happend. So first of all exploring that connection. The second thing is to explore how much different kinds of touch, sensation and pleasure you can have. Without even orgasming, without even getting close to orgasm. The next level after that would be to see how much pleasure you can have, and how close you can get to the point of no return, both for men and for women, which means how close you can get to orgasm without actually orgasming.
Host: So the point of no return is called the point of no return because even if you stop touching yourself at that point, you will orgasm?
Eyal: And again, both for men and for women. You know when women have… If they’re having clitoral stimulation there is a certain point that if they continue beyond that, the pleasure will shoot up and then they will have a clitoral orgasm and then it’s a little bit game over.
Host: That sounds very difficult. Kind of trying to get that close to an orgasm, getting there, KNOWING that you’re there and just pulling away.
Eyal: I have a… I like to make things very practical. I study Tantra, I know that there’s a lot of dogma, there’s a lot of, you know, stories in Tantra and it’s… I like to teach in a way that is practical. I have a very very simple model, and part of the model is three steps which are very very easy for everybody to understand. And the three steps are: feel, stop and move. Which means: Feel how aroused you are; stop before you’re too aroused; and move the sexual energy.very easy – feel, open, move. It’s not rocket science. And the way for you to feel how aroused you are is to self-pleasure, and then to see what are the signs in your body that show you that you are close, too close to the point of no return.
Host: And what does it mean to move the sexual energy?
Eyal: Oh, that’s a very good question because that’s… Moving the sexual energy is the thing which is missing from a lot of sexual education programs, teachings, whatever, in the world. So people are saying “Ah” for men, “Control your ejaculation”, and: “it’s not good to ejaculate”. Some people are aware of that, but they’re not giving their practitioners any special techniques, even not such a simple model like I just showed. Moving the sexual energy is the idea that, yes you can pause when you are too aroused, but then you have this thing called sexual energy in your genital area. If you don’t believe in energy you don’t have to believe in energy. You’re feeling heaviness, you’re feeling that your genitals are charged. You’re feeling that you’re constantly too close to ejaculation. It’s like a very sharp feeling. The other day I was making lve, and my coccyx felt like it was burning. It was painful.
Host: Coccyx is the tail bone?
Eyal: Yeah, my tail bone. And I was like: “Oh, wow, I really need to move my energy” ’cause there was so much energy there. And obviously it’s like, I don’t ejaculate for weeks and for months, so I have already some energy.
Host: But how does one move that energy? Is that a very complicated practice or is that a simple practice?
Eyal: It’s first of all an understanding that it’s possible.
Eyal: Because I believe that sometimes you have an idea, and the idea is strong enough. Or you hear an idea already it will become possible because your reality would change. It’s like the four minute mile.
Eyal: Before the four minute mile people were like “Oh, it’s not humanly possible to to run a mile in under four minutes. So, first of all I’m saying you can last longer, you can become a multi-orgasmic man or woman. You can have an orgasm that lasts for an hour, two hours. And you can move the sexual energy. So for example, what you can do, the idea of pausing itself is something that allows the sexual energy to gradually diminish. It gradually becomes less strong, but it’s very slow.
Eyal: Another thing that you can do for example, is leave the bed and do some exercise. For a man for example.
Eyal: Push-ups, sit-ups, crunches, squats, whatever. And once you do this it’s like all of the energy is being charged and channeled into your muscles.
Eyal: And I can say that when I’m doing this sometimes during love making, it feels like I’m fucking like Superman or something. Or Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Host: Wait, so you stop in the middle of sex with your partner and just jump off the bed and do some push-ups?
Eyal: And I know it sounds strange. That’s usually what people say, but I have two things to say about this. One of them is that when you’re making love for five minutes, when somebody is making love for five minutes, maybe they wouldn’t take a break. The average for men from penetration to ejculation is five minutes.
Eyal: OK, we can talk about that a little bit later, but… If you’re making love for an hour, it’s OK to take a few breaks and to do some push-ups in between.
Host: OK, fair point.
Eyal: But it’s even deeper than that. If you’re afraid of what your partner would say, your sexual partner, your intimate partner, while you know you’re doing something which you know is good for you and good for her, I would say there’s a problem. So I would say learn to live. You know, I’m very much about human potential, about being who you’re supposed to be. So I’m saying, don’t care about what other people think – if you feel that something is right and it’s true, and it’s serving both you and your partner, have the balls to do it! And also as a woman, if a man is attacking your clitoris, instead of letting a man attack your clitoris, cause many women told me this is what some men do, stop him and say: “No! This is not the way that is pleasurable for me”. If a man is pounding you senseless, just tell him: “Hey, look at me! Feel me! Breathe with me!” It’s like “Yeah, I might love some hard sex later”, but it’s important for us to express who we are, what is important for us, what we want from ourselves and from our partner.
Host: So, on that note, having just spoken about the man attacking the woman’s clitoris, let’s go back to that unfinished point of how women… What are some common issues for women ?How do you deal with them? How do you help them out of it, or with it?
Eyal: So, for women as well, self-pleasuring is one of the most basic things, and I actually have amazing stories of transformation from women who either read one of my articles or women who worked with me one-on-one. Start with self-love. Start with exploring not just clitoral stimulation, but internal stimulation as well. Think about it – if you want to have sex with a man, and excuse me by the way for being very heteronormic, if you wanna have sex with a woman as well, you would still want to be penetrated. So if you still wanna be penetrated by your partner, penetrate yourself as well. And obviously make sure that you’re lubricated enough and ready enough, but really , by what I call a B. F. D., which is a big fucking dildo…
Host: Big Fucking dildo…
Eyal: …big fucking dildo, and learn to arouse yourself internally. I can say that I got this email some time ago. A woman has just read one or maybe two of my articles. And she wrote me an email, she said: “I just came across your article, I took my kids to my mom’s, stayed at home, and I self-pleasured. I had g-spot orgasms for the first time in my life one after the other and it was so amazing, and I cried!” This is for one woman reading one article…
Host: That’s amazing!
Eyal: … and doing one session.
Host: That’s amazing Eyal! was there a B.F.D. involved?
Eyal: I don’t know if there was a B.F.D. involved. It’s very important to use your fingers a swell and not just relying on an external thing. But one of the main things was also the idea that there is something different and actually possible.
Eyal: So the idea like “yeah, there is something called g-spot orgasm and yeah, this is how you get there”. I would really suggest to take a thirty- day commitment to self-pleasure every single day for at least twenty minutes. When I say at least it usually means like double.
Host: Right. For a woman, what would be self-pleasure that would help her get to a point where she has more potential for an internal orgasm?
Eyal: To be a bit of a devil’s advocate even against myself, don’t worry so much about the orgasm.
Eyal: Focus on connection.
Host: Connection with oneself?
Eyal: With oneself.
Eyal: Focus on exploration. Focus on curiosity. Focus on not just pleasure, but what is there. What am I feeling in my vagina? What are different points of my vagina? What do they bring up? Cause you might assume a position. I have a whole chapter about positions in my book. You might assume a position that would trigger a memory, or that would trigger an uncomfortable feeling. So you might masturbate… Let’s say if you are on all four and all six with your hand between your legs, and suddenly you’ll have some stuff coming up. So I would really recommend doing this every single day, if possible in the morning. because if something is important, start with it, don’t end with it . And again, people have jobs and whatever, but if it’s possible, give yourself enough time to seduce yourself. This is not a pap smear. This is not like “Ah, it’s 8 AM I take the dildo and insert it inside”. It’s learning how to seduce yourself. and if you’re not ready to penetrate yourself – don’t penetrate yourself. Smear all over your body. Take a hot bath and just touch yourself more gently. Don’t touch your genitals at all – touch your breasts. By the way, same thing with the men. Men sometimes say: 2i don’t get hard if I don’t watch porn”. And I would say: “Don’t get hard. explore how it is to touch your cock without getting hard. It’s legal! It is OK.”. So this is the first thing that I would really tell people. Thirty-day self-pleasuring, every day for at least twenty minutes.
Host: In whatever way they find and everything is just increasing the connection with oneself?
Host: Right. And avoiding… And because of that I would really recommend avoiding porn, both for men and for women. Because porn gets you to externalize your experience and also to rely on external stimulation in order to be aroused.
Host: Yeah. So we go back to that point of just working with oneself rather than with something external. very interesting. And I know from listening to your talk and having read your book Orgasm Unleashed, you have entire chapters of various ideas how women can try to do that, right?
Host: And I’m sure a lot of content on your website as well.
Eyal: Yeah. And the thing is that it works! I call myself a sexual educator although it sounds like Mrs. Stein for the Dođi!th grade or something, because I think that sexual education is crucial. Sexual education for young people, for teenagers and for adults. Because most people don’t have any idea what is going on. It’s important for us in whatever stage in our life. Somebody asked me: I’m sixty-five years old, can I still have a sex life?” Of course you can still have a sex life! You can have a sex life when you are eighty. I had one client who was sixty who became so rogasmic she couldn’t sleep in the night.
Eyal: No, sixty.
Eyal: I had a few sixty year-old clients, and they came to me, they had some issues with their sexuali. They could hardly talk about sex. And suddenly, after a few weeks or a month of working tohether, via Skype, me guiding them through that, helping them remove some of their limiting beliefs about themselves and sexuality. They got to a level that they couldn’t sleep at night because they were orgasming repeatedly, sometimes without any kind of touch.
Host: Just to go back to what we said before, this is all from just self-exploration and self-pleasure?
Host: And now, OK. So you talk about that practice. Let’s say we’re talking bout a woman, she does that. How does that translate into better sex with a partner?
Eyal: The secret to great sex is having great sex with yourself. So when a person knows, when a woman or man first of all knows how to pleasure themselves, and I would actually say that many people don’t know how to pleasure themself, or they have only one trick, they can teach their partner. “Don’t touch me like this, touch me like that”.
Eyal: But also, it’s not just about teaching the partner. They are able to reach an orgasmic state and reach an open state, reach an emotionally, physically and energetically open state by themselves so they don’t need healing from the partner, they go into a lovemaking situation and they are already open.
Host: Instead of having to find that with the partner, they go back to where they found the spot on the map that they found by themselves?
Eyal: Yeah. Many people need a lot of… They need a lot of healing and the right position, the right circumstances, the right this, the right that. And there’s a very fragile set of circumstances that has to happen in order for a woman to have an orgasm. once the woman does these practices what I’m sharing, she is able to become… And it’s important to say, it’s not just orgasmic, but open. that openness brings more love into the love-making. Brings more connection. Brings more… Also the ability for her not to just to experience an orgasm, but also to share her feminine gifts with her man. She’s so full of orgasmic energy. She is nurturing the man, she’s supporting the man. She’s getting the man to an orgasmic state. It’s not just… I’m an orgasm expert and as an rogasm expert, I have to say it’s not just about the orgasm.
Host: Interesting. Let’s talk about these orgasmic states that women achieve, because you talked about there being clitorial orgasms not serving women very well. what does serve a woman well?
Eyal: We say sometimes clitorial. another way to call it is explosive, which means you have sexual energy and then it’s all exploded, and it’s lost. A woman can actually give herself or receive from another person clitoral stimulation, but turn it into an implosive orgasm, which is also a whole body orgasm. Implosive means that the energy stays within the body and usually goes p and around the body. Explosive is more like a terminal orgasm. So you have it – it’s gone. And then you can have another one maybe, but still you have to build it again. The implosive kind fo rogasms are like a wave that continues to roll and roll. Sometimes they take a little bit more time, they take… You know, clitoral orgasms are easy. Rubbing the clitoris, using the finger, using a vibrator and boom – orgasm. And the internal one, the implosive one sometimes takes more surrender. They take more openness, they take more practice, but once a woman starts to experience them, it’s not just that they are… We use this word “stronger”. It’s not just stronger – it feels different. It’s like, what is stronger – blue or red?
Eyal: You start to experience the whole rainbow of orgasm. Again, men as well. Men can experience different orgasmic states as well. And once you start to experience this kind of orgasm, it’s like an orgasm which is more round- It’s an orgasm which is containing both you and your partner, and sometimes the whole of life. It’s not just my orgasm, it’s our orgasm. It’s not just a few seconds of orgasm, but it can literally continue for minutes, and sometimes even for hours.
Eyal: Yes. I just wanna make a comment that all of these experiences you describe, again, they are very personal experiences, but these are direct quotes from women that you’ve worked with. And very interestingly in your workshop in that festival, you were asking women to describe clitorial orgasms vs internal orgasms, and they use a very different terminology for both, which is what you’re using right now, right? Actually, maybe this is a very masculine thing, but I enjoy that fact that in your book you had like a graph describing guys like graphs and flowcharts…
Host: … you ahd a graph describing a clitorial rogasm vs other orgasms, and it seemed like where a clitorial orgasm is is something that just shot up to the top of the graph and then immediately slumped down, the internal orgasm seemed more like a bell curve – something gentle that last longer. But actually in that graph, if I remember correctly, it didn’t seem to have reached as high of a point. Am I correct on that or?
Eyal: I call it the “topography of orgasm”.
Eyal: Topography, like the landscape of orgasm.
Eyal: A clitoral orgasm is like a peak.
Eyal: So you go up a mountain peak and then you drop from the other side. There’s another thing which is the orgasmic… I call it the “mild orgasmic state”, which is kind of like a hilly terrain. So there’s a a hill and there’s another hill, and there’s another hill… None of these hills are as high as the mountain, but still, you can be on this hill range for a while. Then there’s another state which I call the “intense orgasmic state. The intense orgasmic state is a strong orgasm that keeps going and going
Eyal: Think about it like Tibet.
Eyal: Tibet is a plateau.
Eyal: It’s a high plateau, which means it is much higher than, I don’t know, Europe.
Eyal: I think that tibet is higher than most of the mountains in Europe. So you’re already in a high state, and that high state keeps rolling and rolling…
Host: Keeps going and going.
Host: Yeah. One of my clients shared, he said: “here I was, a woman who until recently thought that she was non-orgasmic, in a kind of whole body orgasm that lasted for around two hours”. And this was without me touching her. This is important to understand. Yeah, I teach men how to touch women and so on, but a woman can get into a place where she’s so open and she’s so orgasmic that she can actually be in an orgasmic state
Host: That’s pretty amazing. Now I’m gonna say something and then I feel like you’re gonna correct me on it, which is kind of good, but I wanna say, as a man, I feel very envious that that woman can experience something like that because maybe I can’t. Or maybe I just haven’t. I’ll describe a little bit about my experiences in orgasms. Most orgasms are just a physical release, but a few times in my life, very few, maybe two or three times, I had that experience that came way before ejaculation, of just having every nerve end of my body wake up. It just felt wonderful. I felt like laughing, I was full of love and joy and just absolute pleasure, but it didn’t last for two hours. [laughs], It’s OK. But even those ten minutes were pretty incredible, and like the way that I just described that graph from before, it wasn’t a sharp peak as much it was a much more gentle bell curve going up and then down. It just felt like I went on a little beautiful, physical journey. But how about male potentials for pleasure? Maybe we’ve talked about women for a bit, talk about men for a little.
Eyal: Men are usually used to one kind of orgasm, which is the ejaculatory orgasm. And I don’t know if men can experience the same kind and depth and strength of orgasm that women experience. I still believe that women can experience a little bit stronger, longer and so on, just because of the way that they are built, or the way that they are. In some ways their body different than ours. Their brains are different, women’s brains are different than men’s brains. The hormones are different and so on. But still, men can experience amazing states of pleasure. For example, I would make love with a woman, and after a few minutes I’d start shaking. An she asked me: “Are you done already? Have you come already?” I told her: “Oh darling, I’m just getting started”. So I’m having expressions that people think that are…
Host: But how does it feel? I mean, I get that from the outside it looks like you are shaking – how does it feel for you to be in that state?
Eyal: It’s like different kinds and colors and everything of pleasure. Sometimes it will be really strong physical pleasure all of my body. Not just in my genitals which is the idea … The pleasure sometimes starts with the genitals, but it goes around all of my body. Sometimes it would be physical pleasure, sometimes it would be emotional. not emotional like I wanna cry, emotional it’s like I’m feeling deeply touched.
Host: I get it.
Eyal: Deeply inspired, deeply in a state which is fully open. Kind of like strong and soft at the same time. I’m still keeping my masculine scent and groundedness and presence, but being very open to what I’m feeling and what my partner is feeling.
Eyal: Sometimes the experience would be mental, which means that my presence would feel like it’s encompassing the whole room. And I know it sounds a little bit woo-woo, and I’m ok with sounding woowoo by the way. But as men,it’s our present. As people, not just men. But presence is power. presence is for me… spirituality is about developing a consciousness. And at some situations I wouldn’t have so much physical pleasure, I would be with a woman, I wouldn’t have so much physical pleasure, but it feels like I am the room. It feels like I’m… It’s like tentacles that go out and I’ll be aware of everything that is going in my body, in my partner’s body and all around the room. and my mind would be, maybe not totally quiet, but much more quiet than usual. I’ve been practicing meditation for twenty years, twenty five. And in those moments, it’s stronger than my best meditation retreats. So for me, that is bliss. For me that is pleasure. If you don’t wanna call it an orgasm, don’t call it an orgasm. I just wanna say that when you expand your definition of orgasm, your orgasm would expand.
Host: That’s beautiful. I want me some of that! How do I start? What does a guy have to do? So I’m gonna guess that, you don’t have to repeat the entire section from before, but self-touch and self-love? What’s the next practices for a guy? I’m not gonna buy a big fat dildo for myself. What was it, B.F.D.?
Eyal: B.F.D. Yeah Big fucking dildo.
Host: Big fucking dildo. I don’t know if I’m gonna buy a big fucking dildo for myself, but what’s the next step in my own practice?
Eyal: Self-pleasuring as I mentioned, and taking a commitment to minimise, and if possible avoid ejaultion as much as possible.By the way, it’s not something that… I can not explain everything in a few minutes…
Host: Sure We only have a limited amount.
Eyal: Yeha. Just to understand, this si ao conversation for adults, which means there are practices and there’s both ideas and practices that take some time to share. What I would recommend men is to go deeper into that. To look at their “why”first. My model, I mentioned it a little bit earlier, Understand why it doesn’t serve you to ejaculate, and understand why it serves you to ejaculate less, to control your ejaculation. Simon sinek is saying “Start with why”. When your “why” is strong, your “what” and your “how” would be much easier.
Host: So I’m asking you – why? Why is it better to not ejaculate ? I’m asking… Let’s say we’ve got listeners who have not been exposed to these ideas in Tantra. Why is it better not to ejaculate? Doesn’t that mean they’ll just have wet dreams? Where does all this semen go?
Eyal: There’s a few questions there, I’ll try to answer them one by one. Starting with the why, how do you actually feel when you ejaculate? How do you feel if you are coming too fast? By the way, coming too fast… Premature ejaculation is coming before you and your partner are ready for that. It’s not two minutes like science describes it. So understand what does it do to you, how does it affect your life? How does it affect your feeling as a man? How does affect your mission and career? How does it affect your partner? Is your partner really satisfied? By the way, some women are unfaithful because they are sexually unsatisfied. Some relationships finish because the woman is unsatisfied. So look at the why, look at what it does to you and really try to expand your mind. Because people come to me and say: “Oh my life is OK, I just have a problem with my sexuality”. And after a few minutes of digging we uncover that actually their sexuality is affecting everything in their life.
Host: But if you’ve been doing this way all your life… I mean, most men ejaculate / masturbate regularly. How would they even know how that affects their life? That’s kinda like asking me: “How does drinking water affect your life?” If I do that every day, it’s kinda hard to know… You know? The fish doesn’t see the water, right?
Eyal: That’s true. But I think that men who start to be more conscious about themselves and their body and people around them, see that there is some effect on, specifically constant daily ejaculation, on their life. And I would suggest to them to take a one month exercise where they don’t ejaculate. I would go into very honest conversations with your partner and see how does she actually feel. because maybe she wants you to last longer. Maybe even if you last long, some men are like: “Oh, I last for an hour and then I ejaculate”. And a woman would say: “no, it doesn’t matter. When you ejaculate I feel you are disconnected from me.” Even if you lasted for an hour. So there’s a sense of disconnection. There’s a sense of loss of presence. The Tantric texts and gurus and whatever say that, but it’s not just them.One of the main aspects of the why is power. here’s three aspects – pleasure, love and power. Pleasure means you can become multi-orgasmic, you can pleasure your partner. Love means that you feel more love in your relationship and love flows throughout all your life. And power means that you gain presence and power, not just in your sex and in your life. Some people might have heard about the book “Think and grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill. And this was written in the 1930s and he interviewed many people who were industry leaders. Chapter eleven of that book talks about sexual transmutation. It’s very vague the chapter, but it basically says: “Minimise your ejaculations and this will unleash your genius.”
Host: I remember that, yeah.
Eyal: And he says: “Don’t sow your wild oats to the wind”.
Host: It’s the 1930s.
Eyal: yeah. s
Host: You can’t even say the word “come”.
Eyal: But he says it in a few ways.
Eyal: And there’s other people as well. Tim Ferriss that I really appreciate from”The Four Hour Workweek”. He led a public challenge that was called “NOBNOM” – no booze and no masturbation. I’m not against masturbation, but I’m suggesting that the reason he suggested not masturbation is that a man doesn’t ejaculate.
Eyal: There was a lot of discussion about what happened to men when they refrained from ejaculation.
Eyal: dave asprey from “the Bulletproof Exec”, “Bulletproof Coffee”, “Bulletproof Diet” also says something like: “When you ejaculate once every thirty days you have much more energy available to you”.
Host: I don’t know if you’re aware of this, you probably are, but there’s an entire internet and Reddit community called nofap. It’s pretty interesting for me. I took on the thirty-day no masturbation challenge, and I’ like: “OK, let’s read about some of the other people that are into this stuff are experiencing”, and there were people there that were talking about how masturbation really destroyed their lives. As in, they stopped going to college because every thirty minutes they had t go to the toilet and masturbate.
Host: So at the very least, there are some examples and experiences that people out there are speaking about. how too much masturbation, too much ejaculation affects their life negatively.
Eyal: And I wanna say something about nofap. I think it’s a great website / community / movement. They also have an online cause to help men not get off and stop using porn. But I would say that there’s a level beyond that…
Eyal: … which is actually self-pleasuring, self-loving, but not ejaculating. Tantra is something that embraces life, embraces sex, embraces food. E,braces money and good things and doing things in the world. It’s not about abstaining. so the nofap way is a path of abstinence. I would suggest that you can have sex and you can love yourself, you can masturbate, but when you don’t ejaculate, or at least when you minimize ejaculations, your life will change. By the way, men on the program say they suddenly see the world with more colors. they’re aware of smells, they’re aware of sensations. They are able to make human connections better than they were before. So this takes it and makes it ten times, a hundred times stronger.
Host: I like that idea. I do believe that everything in life should come in moderation. No pun intended come in moderation.
Host: OK, some pun intended. But for men…
Eyal: By the way, I believe in excess, but only in small quantities.
Host: Excess in what?
Eyal: I believe in excess in small quantities.
Host: Excess in small quantities. Yeah, that’s a good way to put it. So, the practice is similar to men as it is to women, as in coming close to orgasming and then stopping?
Eyal: Yeah. It’s called “edging”. For women specifically there are… Once they start to have internal orgasms sometimes they can do a practice of edging for a week or two and this would give them some results, which means not orgasm at all for one or two weeks.
Host: Edging is pulling away from the orgasm, the point of no return, right?
Eyal: Yeah. Before the point of no return, and constantly staying in a pre-orgasmic state. By the way, this is an orgasm by itself, it’s the whole idea.
Eyal: But at least they’re not having any kind of peak, not even the good peak, which is like an internal orgasm.
Eyal: Another thing for women Is that they can actually orgasm and orgasm if they have the internal or the implosive kind, and this would give them another kind of experience. This is specifically for women. For men I would focus on edging because in the beginning it is much more challenging for men. First of all, forget about ejaculation for a while and work on your why. In my Ejaculation Control Program I have this program that teaches men how to do this. I spend a lot of time on the why, so men understand why it’s hurting them, and why it would serve them to take on this practice. Work on your why, work on your self-pleasuring, work on edging. Start to become aware of the different sensations in your body, and gradually you’ll become multi-orgasmic. So it’s not about giving up, it’s not about sacrificing your ejaculation, it’s about understanding that you can have much more than that if you change what you’re doing.
Host: Now, I’m sure everyone listening to this, everyone would want to have a better sex life, right? But these exercises, these practices they sound out of people’s realities. Maybe if there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and I’m sure everyone wants better orgasms, It’s just how far is that pot of gold? For a woman practicing I think I’ve heard the number from you saying that if she practices for thirty days she could definitely become more orgasmic. And more orgasmic, by the way, potentially means having internal orgasms if she’s never had them before. Without promise or anything, but it’s something you see happening all the time?
Eyal: It’s something that I see happening a lot. It’s like: “How long is a piece of string?”
Host: Thirty days. [laughs]
Eyal: I would say that after thirty days you would get huge effects. Specifically women. Sometimes for men it would take longer.
Host: Why is that?
Eyal: Because we are programmed as men to ejaculate.
Host: I see.
Eyal: And again, ejaculation is natural, it’s beautiful, it’s nothing bad. You’re not going to hell. But evolution tells us to ejaculate. Our teenage experiences of masturbating in the shower or in the toilet as fast as possible so we’re not caught train us to ejaculate fast Society all around us trains us to ejaculate. So when you’re doing something like that you are not becoming the one percent, you are becoming the zero point zero one percent.
Host: I see.
Eyal: This is why on a mental level it’s a little bit more challenging for men to take this practice.
Host: That’s why it’s important to have a strong why.
Host: Also without commenting on women, I know that for me having taken the thirty-day no masturbation challenge, at some point it became very hard (pun intended) to keep very true to my own commitment. And so literally I went and put a bag of ice on my genitals just to… I don’t know enough about moving sexual energy , maybe I should have done some push-ups, but that as the only thing that could get me to relax.
Eyal: By the way, push-ups are only one of the ways , it’s just a very easy thing for me to say without needing to explain. Basically in my online program the second-largest section of the program is actually how to move the energy. There’s basic practices, and there’s advanced practices And because it’s the missing link, the missing piece, I’m giving that tons of physical practice, energetic practices, practice that you do every day so that when you have sex, you can move the energy. Stuff to do before, during and after sex. Stuff that your partner can help you with.
Host: Is it a matter of having a lot of different practices but eventually people lock-on to one or two that they end up using in their lives?
Eyal: It’s good not to be a one trick pony.
Eyal: This is why some men get inconsistent results because they have “Ah, it’s about doing this”.
Eyal: “Ah, I know about ejaculation control it’s squeezing your pissy muscle.
Eyal: I’m like: “Yeah, but sometimes squeezing your pissy muscle can make you ejaculate if you don’t know when to do it and how to do it”. I’m giving people a toolbox.
Eyal: I’m saying: “Hey, play with this! See what works for you. See what’s easy for you and what challenges you” And then different things will work for different people with different partners in different times.I had some practices that I was never using a few years ago and now I’m using them all the time. It’s about having a few things.
Host: By the way, the course you’re referring to now, that’s a course for men?
Eyal: Yeah. It’s a course for men. It’s a vailable at EjaculationControlProgram.com. If you’re interested, I’m very happy to offer a ten percent discount for the people, for the listeners.
Host: Very cool!
Eyal: That would be available at IntimatePower.com/Unstagnate. I’ll put a few resources there, specifically stuff that we mentioned toda both for men and for women.
Host: Very cool. So Eyal, I think it’s time to wrap everything up. You mentioned some resources. So ways to find you are IntimatePower.com. As eyal mentioned, special discounts and resources will be available at IntimatePower.com/unstagnate, u-n-s-t-a-g-n-a-t-e. If people want to find you in other ways, are you on Twitter? Do you like people following you on other methods, or you just like your online privacy?
Eyal: I’m very public with everything I do and I have a lot of offering. I have the book on OrgasmUnleashed.com.
Host: That’s for women?
Eyal: That’s for women. I have the program that I just mentioned. I have workshops and I also do one-on-one coaching specifically for people who are already at some point in their life that they understand that if they tap into their sexual power, they go to the five next levels, not just the next level.
Eyal: But yeah, IntimatePower.com, that’s the hub of everything.
Host: yeah. and just a sidenote, me and Eyal spoke before the interview and Eyal does a lot of coaching for people, and harnessing or unleashing their sexual energy is only the first part, after which, using that to make radical transformations in people’s lives. So thank you again for your time and for these paradigm-shifting ideas.
Eyal: Thank you.
Host: Namaste Eyal.
Thank you very much mate, [Unintelligible]
Host: Thanks for listening to this sexy episode of Unstagnate, I hope you enjoyed it. I’m going to keep ringing great guests with out-of-the-box ideas about self-development to the show. If you want show notes, you can find them at Unstagnate.com/podcast, or find us on Facebook, Facebook.com/Unstagnate.