This is another excerpt from my book ‘Orgasm Unleashed – Your guide to pleasure, healing and power’ – read a free excerpt or buy it here.
Why do we pursue the peak?
Most people experience orgasm as a short moment of maximum pleasure followed by a quick decline in both pleasure and desire. Usually, the orgasm signifies the end of the sexual interaction. This happens because orgasm is perceived as the goal of sex – the climax or peak of the experience. For some people, this peak is even the reason for sex.
Modern science has contributed to this; it defines the sexual response cycle as desire, arousal, climax and resolution. Therefore, the climax, or orgasm, is confined to one specific stage that is different to and separate from the other stages. This impacts the way orgasm is commonly perceived and experienced.
Popular culture is not without blame either. Over the past fifty to eighty years, we have seen the same scenario played out in thousands of sex scenes: The couple kiss, they take their clothes off, there is a little foreplay and then penetration. This becomes more dynamic, and they breathe and move faster and faster, finally ‘coming’ together in an orgasmic peak. A moment later, the man rolls over and the sexual interaction is over. We have been conditioned to perceive this as the norm.
Additionally, men’s sexuality has influenced the pursuit of the female orgasmic peak because this is how the male orgasm is experienced. A man feels excitation that leads to an ejaculatory orgasm and resolution. After the resolution, his penis becomes soft and the passion the man feels is greatly diminished, together with his need to be connected to the woman. This can take anything from a few minutes to a few hours. But his peak usually ends the sexual interaction.
Interestingly, a woman’s experience of a clitoral orgasm is very similar to a man’s ejaculatory orgasm. A clitoral orgasm is usually short and sharp with the pleasure dissipating quickly. Immediately after this type of orgasm, a woman’s clitoris often becomes hypersensitive and even painful to touch. This causes the woman to perceive her orgasm as a peak that has an inevitable ‘valley’ or decline in sensation during the resolution period.
Ultimately, peak orgasms have become the common understanding of orgasm. The problem with this is that many people perceive the orgasmic peak as the ‘only’ kind of orgasm or the only ‘real’ orgasm. There’s nothing wrong with this kind of orgasm, but it’s only one experience out of a vast range of possibilities. People who only focus on the peak as their goal miss out on many of the other orgasmic states that can be experienced.
Instead of looking at orgasm as a momentary peak, try to see it as a state. When you see orgasm as a state, you open the door to many different kinds of experiences that can continue for minutes, hours and sometimes days.
The power of an orgasmic state
Letting go of peak orgasm as the goal of sexual interaction will enable you to experience more orgasmic states. There are a few ways you will benefit if you choose to try this:
1. Orgasm becomes an enabling state
When you see orgasm as the goal, the sex is over when you reach it. If, instead, you see orgasm as more of a continuous state, you will enable greater pleasure in your body and a better connection with yourself and your partner. Orgasmic states can even lead to higher states of consciousness, an increased ability for manifestation (sex magic!) and, ultimately, dissolution of the ego and union with your higher self, spirit, the universe, God, or however else you like to refer to this realm.
2. Orgasm becomes all-encompassing
Most people consider orgasm to be a sexual experience, usually related to genital touch or penetration. However, it doesn’t have to be only a sexual experience; it can also be non-sexual. Orgasm can be experienced without any touch and with your clothes on, either by yourself or with another person who isn’t touching you.
It’s important to understand that both kinds of pleasure, both sexual and non-sexual, are an orgasmic experience. The more open you are to the idea of an orgasm being an experience you can have with or without a sex act, the more orgasmic experiences you will be able to enjoy.
3. Orgasm becomes an energy source
Peak orgasms, in particular clitoral orgasms for women and ejaculatory orgasms for men, are all about the discharge of energy and a release of tension. But an orgasmic state is experienced as something that recharges you and fills you with energy, rather than discharging your energy.
The best part about retaining your sexual energy is that you can accumulate it instead of dissipating it. With this increased reservoir of energy, you will feel more alive, more loving, more creative, more helpful towards others and more empowered in whatever you do.
As you can see, an orgasmic state offers a fair bit more than the momentary pleasure of a peak orgasm. And the beautiful thing about an orgasmic state is that it’s not just longer-lasting pleasure, it is also a deeper and more meaningful experience.
Next: Read about ‘The wave of pleasure’ and try this exercise.