A few days ago, i have started a 2 month celibacy period, during which, i will not have sex with a woman, and will not be engaged in a relationship.
Why would a man who teaches and coaches people to have amazing sex and meaningful relationships, abstain from sex and relationships ?
It’s been over 8 years since i started practicing serious forms of Tantric Yoga and Tantric sexual practices (at Agama Yoga in Thailand – It’s an amazing school and community – Check it out)
I have had great sex, amazing experiences, meaningful partners, sometimes more than one partner in the same period or in bed in the same time.
I’ve grown a lot, learned and realized many things about myself, about men and women, about sexuality and relationships.
This led to me offering coaching and therapy sessions around sexuality and relationships, and later holding workshops for anything between 10 to around a 100 people in 3 continents.
This is the most important, meaningful, inspiring, humbling, growth-enducing, others-serving thing that i’ve done in my entire life, and trust me, i’ve done many things – Business, high-tech, photography, cooking, to name a few.
But lately i realized, and received reflections from others, that i need to do a lot of work around my own sexuality.
I realized i carry some kind of sexual trauma related to 2 operations in my groin area, from the doctors who were checking and squeezing my testicles, and from receiving a very painful, unexpected and un-explained enema before one of the operations.
I teach and coach people to be independent and self sufficient within their own existence and sexuality but realized i have neediness dependency and expectations from women, and that instead of connecting to my own feminine side, i look for it outside myself.
In recent years, I’ve talked with men who took a celibacy vow for a few months or even a year, and heard about their unique experiences and realizations.
I’ve been playing with the idea of going into celibacy for a while, but have always either been in an active relationship, or was so focused on sexual explorations, that i didn’t want to deprive myself from sex.
So after a day of meditating and contemplating the idea, i’ve decided to take a 2 month Tapas, a yogic term which means austerity or a kind of commitment.
2 month doesn’t sound like much, but compared to some recent months when i made love 2-5 hours a day, most days of the week, and sometimes was with 3 different women in a 24 hour period, 2 month is a good first step for me.
This period will finish the day after the relationship workshop which i’m co-holding alongside Emma Power, so i find it quite symbolic and meaningful.
I choose to define it as celibacy rather than abstinence, because celibacy has a more intentional meaning, and instead of abstaining from something, i choose to work towards something.
I have a few intentions for this Tapas:
Connect with my own sexuality and inner feminine
Heal pain and trauma in my genitals
Let go of attachment, neediness, expectations and projections related to women
Focus on my mission, yoga, and spiritual practice
Things which i’m allowed to do:
- Receiving whole body, genital and anal massage
- Self cultivation (masturbation) – i plan to do it on a nearly daily basis, obviously without ejaculation
- Physical affection with women, as long as it’s non-sexual and infrequent.
- Giving sexual therapy sessions
- Any obvious sexual interaction including penetration and oral sex
- Maintaining an active relationship
- Sensual kissing (except friendly/casual , no tongue !)
To officially start my tapas , i sat in meditation and made a count-down from 10 to 1. As i was counting down, I felt the meaning and special-ness of my decision and the excitement from the upcoming two months.
Even as early as that evening, i already started to feel different, as if I was different.
In the next few days i started to become more and more aware of thought processes, behavior patterns and dynamics which until then were automatic, conditioned, unconscious.
I’m starting to realize to what level my life and actions was and still is affected influenced and conditioned by sexuality, relationship and interactions with women.
I’m looking forward to these upcoming two months.
I plan to post a weekly blog about my experiences and insights.
How about you ?
How does this idea sound/feel for you ?
Have you ever taken or considered to take a celibacy vow ?
you sound like you’ve got an ego the size of a bus. so having to self cultivate yourself for a couple of months should be a cinch. cant wait to hear how it went.
I too have embarked upon a time of celibacy for the first time in my life. I am intentionally abstaining from relationships and sex for 3 months (from the Autumn Equinox to the Winter Solstice). I am struggling though, as I have a high sex drive and so am investigating tantra to harness this energy (something I have wanted to anyway). Any suggestions? I would love to do one of the Tantra is love courses but I work on Saturday’s.
I too have found I am realising how much of my thoughts and reasons for doing things are based around men. So much of my energy and attention is focused on others! This has been one of the best and hardest things I have done – something I would suggest for everyone!
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