Sexuality practitioners: Are you doing “happy endings” or are you really empowering your clients? This is a video rant that I’ve shared today about what tantric massage practitioners and other professionals could do to take their offering to the next level.
Full transcript below:
Hey. Eyal Matsliah from Intimate Power, with what is possibly a rant, okay? So, I’m having a rant because I’ve been hearing this thing for a few times and it just doesn’t feel right. So, this thing is, I talk with many women. I talk with women, I talk with women who are practitioners, who are doing different kind of tantric massage, tantric this, tantric that. And a few women lately told me that they’re doing tantric massage and they’re giving happy endings to the guys. And, you know, obviously whenever somebody tells me that they’re doing tantric massage, I would usually ask them if they do happy endings as well. So, these women said yep, they do happy endings, and I was like, “Why do you do happy endings?” It’s like, why? Happy endings obviously make a guy ejaculate at the end of the session, end of the massage, and I was like, “Why are you doing happy endings?” So, one of them kind of had a story about – I don’t remember exactly her story, but it was a combination of she wasn’t sure if it’s okay actually to give the sexual, sensual session to a guy and not give him a happy ending. And I was like, “Why not?” And she’s like, “Because they’re expecting something. They’re expecting this.” And I was like, “Yes, but you, as a tantric practitioner, a sexual practitioner, using the word tantra needs to be truthful to tantra and truthful to what is actually serving those men.” Because every woman can give a happy ending to a guy.
It’s not a challenge to make a guy ejaculate, ladies. It’s very easy to get a guy—most guys—to ejaculate, unless they have erectile dysfunction of whatever. But if a man goes to a session, if a man goes to what’s called a tantric massage session or sexual healing session, or whatever it’s called, and you give him this happy ending, you’re not really serving him. You’re giving him pleasure for five seconds or seven seconds, but you’re keeping him tied. You’re keeping him locked in the only reality that he knows, which is he needs to ejaculate in order to have pleasure, he needs to ejaculate in order to feel satisfied. And yeah, that is not reality. That is not truth, because the truth is that you can – or a guy can have much more pleasure and much more satisfaction and a deeper level of satisfaction if you teach this man to last longer and you teach this man to have a sexual experience without ejaculating.
The second woman that I talked with – in some ways, I was even more sad to hear that because this is a woman who had done different kind of practitioner training, sexual training, and she knew about non-ejaculation. She had lovers that didn’t ejaculate, but she was still making men cum, giving men happy endings at the end of the massage sessions. And I was like, “You know this. So, why do you still keep doing this to men?” And in her case it was a combination of she wasn’t feeling empowered enough in the sexual, tantric parlor that she was walking at, and she wasn’t sure if she could do this. And it’s like, “What would be the problem? If you’re giving this man a special experience and amazing experience, nobody’s going to fire you from that massage parlor because you’re not making them ejaculate. They’re not going like, ‘I want my money back because that woman didn’t give me a happy ending.’”
So, really, it’s like, women, and especially sexual practitioners, see that you’re empowering the guys that you’re working with. See that you’re giving them tools that they can use later. It’s not just about doing this to them and making them cum at the end of the session, because that just keeps them locked. That just keeps them trapped, that keeps them uninformed. And that also hurts women that they are with, because this is what they expect from the women. So, there’s an ever going cycle, this magic cycle—magic sounds good, it’s not really good—this bad cycle of men and women who are doing stuff to each other which is not empowering, not fulfilling on a deep level.
So, men, know that you can have sex, you can have amazing sexual experiences, and you can have sex for hours and you don’t need to ejaculate. Ejaculation is not bad, it’s not a sin. You’re not going to lose your eyesight or grow hair on your hands or whatever, but if you really want to go to the next step in your lovemaking, if you really want to take your relationship to the next level, if you want to discover a new source of power, a new source of energy in your life—mental energy, physical energy, immune system energy—if you want to be more confident, learn how to handle a lot of energy – and again, I’m saying energy a lot of times, it’s like when you don’t cum for one hour, two hours, and when you have sex every day or a few times a week and you don’t ejaculate for two weeks, you will fucking feel this energy. You will be shaking with this energy or you might feel horny.
If you feel horny, yes, you feel horny. That’s great. It’s not a problem. If you feel horny, that means you’re healthy. People who are dying, people who are sick, people who are weak do not feel horny. They feel sometimes unsexual. If you feel horny, good sign. So, learn how to move your sexual energy so that you feel less horny. And I have whole videos and lectures and blog posts about this on my website intimatepower.com. There’s a tab called “I Can Help,” and under “I Can Help,” there’s “Ejaculation Control for Men.” So, men, remember that you can have amazing sex and you don’t have to ejaculate. And if this sounds crazy for you, great. Your reality is going to change, your life is going to change. And for the women, it’s like, why do you need, why do you want your man to ejaculate? What are the reasons? Do you feel like you’re doing a good job, being a good girl? It’s like, “Oh, great, you made him ejaculate.”
Getting it back to sexual practitioners, again, I’m very passionate not just about helping men and women learn this, but about helping sexual practitioners – by the way, if there’s any questions, shoot your questions at the comment section there and I’ll try to answer them after this live video. So, sexual practitioners, I’m very, very passionate about working with sexual practitioners and helping sexual practitioners to be better practitioners and really to empower their clients on a deeper and deeper and deeper level, okay? So, the most basic thing that you can do for somebody is give them a massage. You rub the body with oil and it’s okay. It’s not bad, it’s okay, but there’s so many more things that you can do with a person. You can sit next to a person and neither of you will talk and you can empower them through this. You can explore eye gazing and you can empower that person. You can explore breathing together and you can empower that person. You can get that person to cry and shout from pain and trauma and stuff they’ve been suppressing for years and you will empower that person. So, just giving a nice massage is okay. It’s not bad, but it’s just one thing that you can do.
Also, talking a little bit about the other side. So, what sexual practitioners do for women? So, there’s all this field which is called Yoni massage. Many people are doing Yoni massage or vaginal massage, and again, when I hear this, I get a little bit like, “Ugh.” So, what’s my problem with Yoni massage? By the way, those of you listening today, I am feeling like doing a rant. If you don’t like this rant, fuck off. Yes, Yoni massage. I was calling this Yoni massage years ago when I started doing this work, and people came to me for Yoni massage. So, I would do a whole-body massage. It’s like oil and stuff, it would last for hours, and usually I would also give them Yoni massage, Yoni stimulation, get them to cry, get them to orgasm, and it was that. But after a while, I recognized it’s not just what I’m doing. I’m doing so much more than that. So, I was coaching those women. I was facilitating different states for these women that sometimes did not have anything to do with touch, and nothing to do with their genitals. Sometimes had nothing to do with the body. Sometimes I was just talking to them and it helped them get to a certain state.
So, I stopped calling this Yoni massage because women would come to me and I would hold a session for them and I wouldn’t touch their Yoni at all, their vagina at all. And I’d be like, “Sorry, love, but you’re not ready yet to receive Yoni massage. You first need to learn how to breathe. First of all, learn how to receive my presence. First of all, learn how to share and transmit your presence before I’m touching your body, before I’m touching your genitals, before I’m putting my fingers inside you, okay? There’s so much more to this.” This is why whenever I’m hearing Yoni massage, I’m like, it’s like yes, sometimes you can have a neck massage and sometimes you can have a—how is it called—a foot massage, and okay, those are good techniques and stuff, but the modality that I created is called holistic sexual healing. Holistic sexual healing, it’s about connecting to the whole body, not just the genitals. It’s connecting to the physical, the emotional, the mental, the energetic and the spiritual levels of the person. It’s about what happens with the client before the session, during the session and after the session. Because I sometimes get clients that come to me and go like, “Save me, save me! You’re the tantric teacher, master, guru, whatever.” And I’m like, “No, sorry. I’m not. I have levels of mastery, but the way that I’m working with my clients is getting them to do the work even in the session itself. It’s not like, “Okay, sit, lie down on the massage table and I’m going to do everything for you.” I’m helping my clients get to a place where they know what to do in order to activate themselves.
So, yeah, I do know about energy and places and trigger points and how to touch a woman’s body. This is what I’m sharing with my clients in my workshops. But there’s so much more than that. It’s not just the energy points and this and that. It’s about you holding space. It’s about you having presence. It’s about you reminding your client that your client has the power to do that. So, yeah, you can have three sessions, five session, sometimes ten sessions with a client, but hopefully at the end of every session they go home and they can do something they couldn’t do before. They can do that by themselves. They don’t need you, they don’t need their lover, they don’t need their partner, they don’t need anything. They can do it by themselves. Or they can do it with a partner who is not a tantric practitioner or whatever. So, really focus on empowering your clients, not feeling that your clients need you because you have these superpowers.
You know, I’ve been in the workshop lately, and a practitioner was very powerful. Definitely was very powerful, but couldn’t explain to the people what he was doing. He was going like, “Oh, just be present. Focus on your hands and then you can do everything.” But it’s like, yes, but how the fuck do you do that? So, when I’m teaching practitioners, I’m teaching how to actually bring their presence into their body, into the session, into the client. There’s so much intricacies about words, there’s so much intricacies about how you talk, how you touch, how you ask, how you hold yourself in a sexual healing session. So, it definitely can be taught. I wouldn’t say it’s simple. It’s kind of like one of the two things. You’re already enlightened, all of us are already enlightened in theory, but in order for that to actually be an experience that we’re actually experiencing, actually feeling, not just something which is just an idea, “We’re just enlightened,” we need sometimes to do five years, ten years or twenty years of meditation in order to get into a state of being actually enlightened, not just saying, “Oh, we are enlightened, we are connected,” all of this stuff. And it’s the same thing with this holistic sexual healing. Yes, it’s like there are some attitudes that I’m talking about, but sometimes it takes some time to get into that. Sometimes you need to learn the techniques. Yoni massage, whole body tantric massage, [inaudible 0:14:15], whatever you want to call all of that stuff. And the techniques are okay, but then you need to forget the techniques and then you need to change everything that you’ve been doing.
So, every year I change my techniques. Well, I change my techniques all the time, but the way that I work changes every year. I started with very strong stimulation, you sit in some of the Yoni massage videos, it’s like really, really strong, and that’s okay but there’s so many more levels and so many aspects to this work. And I literally got a client, I really got a student who is a sexual practitioner. Attended one of my master classes, practitioner trainings, and he kind of came to the workshop and he said—thank you Dane—and this guy said, “You know, I came to this workshop because I already have a routine, I just wanted to learn techniques.” And I was listening to him and I was like, “Oh my god, we have some work to do here.”
So, the moment that a practitioner tells me, “I have a routine,” this is a problem. I see a problem there because every client is different. It’s okay to have a general idea of what you do, before what you do, during what you do, after, but if you have a routine, you’re not allowing yourself to channel. You’re not allowing yourself to be really, really—what’s the word—to be sensitive, to be receptive to what the client needs. Dane I love what you’re saying and I love it so much that you are throwing me off what I want to say, so I’m going to take my business card and cover the comments just for a few minutes just so I focus on what I’m saying right now because there’s so much to say about this. So, yeah. These practitioners that are having this – they studied a certain methodology and this is what they do, okay? So, I studied this methodology and it’s like people who study [inaudible 0:16:30] and all they do is [inaudible 0:16:31]. By the way, [inaudible 0:16:32] is not bad, but it’s like, be you. It’s like, be the John practitioner. Be the Dane practitioner. Be the Jane practitioner. Be whoever. And learn all of these techniques, learn all of these modalities and just move on and make it your own thing. And I see other practitioners, they tell me, “Yeah, in order to open a woman’s body”—something that I’m very passionate about—“you need to give her a three hour session. You need to do this and you need to use oil and you need to…” And I’m like, “Eh, no you don’t.”
I held a session in front of this group and I was touching the client very lightly and I was mainly talking with her and talking to her. And one of the practitioners was like, “Ah, it’s not good to talk during a session because you are activating their mind.” So, yes, some kind of words would activate their minds, but there is a way to talk and there are specific words you can say that bypass the mind and go into the subconscious and go into the collective subconscious even through the person. And excuse me for a second if it sounds a little bit woowoo. I’ll explain what I mean. I’m able to speak to my clients in a way that accesses something which is beyond the mind, above the mind. It’s kind of like I’m talking to the soul. I’m talking to their body. And this is one of the things that the [inaudible 0:18:11] in that workshop said and the participants noticed that, that although I was talking most of the session, it’s kind of a little bit like hypnosis, a little bit of a hypnotic talk. So, I’m connecting a woman to her femininity through the way that I’m talking to her. I’m holding space with my words as well. I’m penetrating her with my words as well. I’m activating her with my words as well.
So, apart from the Kundalini points and apart from the Kundalini breathing and apart from all of that stuff, you can talk to a woman. And by you talking to a woman in a certain way and holding yourself in a certain way and breathing in a certain way, you will access something in her that you cannot access with any finger and any tool and any cock and anything, okay? And so, really get used to this idea that sexual activation, holistic sexual healing, as I like to call it, there’s so many modalities in there that basic modality is presence. The very basic of holistic sexual healing is for you to have presence, not for you to have techniques. And I will say that if your presence is very strong – I don’t know if Jesus Christ is a good example, but it’s like if somebody had a really, really strong presence came and looked at you, as a woman, you would start to open. You would start to feel your emotions. You would start to even feel pleasure. Or, if there’s trauma in your past, that trauma is going to come up. So, presence is the basis of everything that we do. Presence is a way of us interacting sexually. Presence is the way for us to share a gift with the world and make a business out of that. And yes, presence is the basic of every healing, every therapy, every coaching interaction, okay? And on top of that, yes, there is some techniques. There’s stuff like this.
I’m looking at the comments now. Dane says, “You’re like the Louis CK of Yoni massage.” Thank you Dane. [Inaudible 0:20:26] every year. Yes, literally it’s like I was being changed by the way that I’ve been working, so I actually had times where I was doing a lot of face to face body work, Yoni massage sessions, and I was stuck in Sweden in the winter, started to write my book and then people couldn’t come to see me because I was in the middle of a forest with tons of snow on the road and stuff, so I started to do Skype sessions, and I started activating people and making women multi-orgasmic in a few weeks of working with me from the other side of the planet. So, yeah. This is important for you to understand. You can activate a woman, you can activate another person in so many ways. There’s so much stuff that you can do.
So, this started as a rant to get women to stop doing happy endings for guys, both for your lovers, and also specifically for your clients. So, if you’re a woman working at a parlor or independent, if you get a client to ejaculate, this is the lowest level of service you can offer because every woman, or nearly every woman can do this. Apply some friction, put some oil and get a guy to ejaculate. But it takes a little bit more than that to become the kind of practitioner who is sure of herself and who can say to the guy, “Listen, I’m going to take you somewhere you’ve never gone before. I’m going to show you how you can nearly orgasm like a woman. You can have the strongest orgasm of your life, the strongest state of your life without cumming, without ejaculating.” You need to be a queen. You need to be sure of yourself to a level that the man will be like, “Okay, I have no idea what you are talking about. Sounds like bullshit, but I trust you, I trust your presence, and I’m going to do this.”
So, ladies, tantric practitioners, allow yourself to really share your gifts with these men. Allow yourself to really empower them and get them to a place they’ve never been before. Show them that they’re not teenagers anymore, that they have to ejaculate every time that they have sex, that they are men. Help them to become powerful men, okay? Because when you are getting a guy to ejaculate, again, it’s not bad, but men get sleepy and tired and disconnected after they ejaculate. So, keep him in his power, helping embrace his power, get to a level where his whole body is shaking, and he doesn’t ejaculate. And at the end of the session, the best possible scenario if he comes to you and says, “I don’t believe, it’s like the first time I had a sexual experience and I didn’t cum at the end and I’m feeling so alive.” So, trust that you’re doing the right thing, and if the massage parlor fires you, open your own service.
It’s like there’s so much that you do for men in this capacity. Giving them love for sure, giving them the gift of seeing and touching your body. Well, that’s another topic. That started as a small rant and going into practitioner training. But it’s okay for you to be naked, and sometimes okay for men to touch you, but it needs to be empowering, which means teach them how to touch a woman’s body in a way which is conscious. Because I work with some sexual practitioners and they’re like, “Oh, he offered to pay me some more so I let him go down on me.” And I say, “So, and how was it?” And he was like, “He wasn’t very good, but at least I got paid.”
So, make sure that if you’re naked in a session, are you naked because you know you’re getting paid more or are you naked because that is empowering for your client? Are you allowing your clients to touch you because you’re teaching them how to touch a woman or is that just to make more money? And again, there’s nothing bad about making money, even making lots of money. But make lots of money empowering people. Make lots of money giving people tools. Make lots of money really making a dent in the universe, really making a change in the world. Not just making your clients, men and women, dependent on you. If there’s any questions, please ask. I feel that I’ve said a lot of the things that I was really excited about saying. So, just ask questions in the comment box if you have any questions.
And I want to also mention that I have – two things. So, I have practitioner training coming up in Melbourne, so if you’re in Melbourne, please join. There will be a day for couples. So, the first day, Saturday, is for couples. Not this Saturday, but in a couple of weeks. That’s for singles and couples, and you’ll either need to come with your partner or bring a woman to work with, and I will teach you some of the stuff that I’ve been talking about today. And the second day, specifically, is for practitioners. So, we’ll be talking about some of this stuff. I’m doing an intro evening this coming Monday in Melbourne, so check out my events on my Facebook page. Is there something on the website? I’m not sure. Okay, check it on Facebook.
Oh and if you’re not in Melbourne, I wrote a blog post called, “My vision for a conscious sex industry.” I’m going to put it in the show notes, in the video comment here in a moment. Yes, and a third thing is that if you are a practitioner, if you are a sexual practitioner and you need some guidance in how to take your sessions to the next level, how to really empower both men and women, how to make it into a process so people don’t come to you for just one session. I had this thing in the past where people came and see me for one session. Now, I work with people three to six months, sometimes longer than that. How to find new clients, how to find right clients for your sessions.
Talk to me, send me an email, we’ll have a free session, half an hour, let’s talk about this. Let’s see how I can help you. So, that’s been my, what started as a rant and something that I’m really, really passionate about. Yeah, holistic sexual healing. This is what it’s about, people. This is really what it’s about. It’s about a new paradigm, not just in sexual healing, but general healing because I had practitioners do my workshop who are not sexual practitioners and they told me their sessions became better because they learned how to be more present and how to hold space in a different way, how not to stick to their routine, but to allow themselves to flow and connect to some higher or inner guidance when they are having sessions. If you have any other questions, please send me in the comments. Send me an email, I’ll be very happy to guide you with this.
Thank you for hearing me out. You guys are great, and I’ll see you guys soon. Bye-bye.