I was just featured on the Tantrapunk podcast! We explored the cultural factors involved in compulsive ejaculation patterns in men, with an emphasis on the how and why to transcend the ejaculation trap.
We also discussed the insights into the sex industry and my vision of helping to raise consciousness about the potential of transformation through tantra.
Listen to the whole interview here:
Host: Hello dear beloveds. Welcome to Tantra Punk podcast episode number 75. I’m here with Eyal and we’re gonna talk about his work as a sexuality empowerment coach and specifically thoughts and best practices for when and how and the intervals of male ejaculation, how that affects our physiology, our spirituality and our relationships. So please, do you wanna give us a bit of your background and then we can get into some of your offerings and then the main topic?
Eyal: Hi. I’m very happy to begin. I’m a sexual empowerment coach and have studied and worked through years with sexuality. Obviously I’ve been a lover, and I’ve been interested in sex and sexuality most of my life. It’s always been a bit… I consider it was a bit different than other people. For example, I did not watch porn when I was younger or hardly ever. Instead I read books that very beautiful sexual descriptions in them that included the feelings and sensations and perceptions of people who were engaging in sex, rather than seeing penis in vagina what you see in porn.
For me it was always about healing and empowering others. There was obviously pleasure and enjoying sex as well, but many times it was about healing and empowering my partners, my lovers. And after a while I discovered Tantra in 2005. I realized I’ve been doing Tantric practices without even knowing that I was doing them, but then Tantra gave me the structures and the practices, and after a few years women started telling me: “You should offer this as a service!”, specifically then what I used to call Yoni massage. And then I thought like: “Who? Me? I’m not good enough, I’m not ready, I’m not certified. I’m not this, I’m not that.” And basically one of my friends said: “You’re already doing it, so just acknowledge it and just do it.” I started offering these services, Yoni massage and sexual healing, and it really took off and I became a sexual healer and sexual educator. I started holding workshops, held workshops all around the world. I published a book for women called Orgasm Unleashed: Your guide to Pleasure, Healing and Power, people can find it at Orgasmunleashed.com, or on my website Intimatepower.com.
Eyal: This book has been acknowledged by some sexual educators as the best female orgasm book they’ve ever read. It is basically a guide for women to make themselves deeply orgasmic by themselves.
Eyal: So they’re not relying on another person, and then they can share it with their lover. So yeah, that’s generally me. And obviously I do a lot of other things which is sexuality is a basis for personal development and success. I basically work with people, business people, entrepreneurs, creatives, holistic practitioners in order to use sexual energy to help them be more creative, to do what they love, to help other people and to make money from that. So yeah…
Eyal: That’s generally it.
Host: That’s great. Thank you. Yeah, I’ve been kinda meditating on you and what I’ve been learning about you throughout the day and just really wanted to applaud the efforts of you and really everybody else in the field who is taking on this responsibility of re-sacralizing or making sacred sexuality again, but really bringing us… I think we’re still in the dark ages, I don’t think the dark ages ended, you know. So this really is the sexual enlightenment that we’ve been dying to have, and so introducing these concepts and giving people permission, getting past all the shame and the wounding, is such important work in this time. So I just wanna thank you for that and… Do you wanna give any more specifics of what your programs and coaching and classes kinda look like, and then we can focus on the elephant in the room, which is the male saving your seed conversation?
Eyal: I work with people on various levels anywhere from free talks that I give and festivals to weekend workshops like the one I have this weekend, online programs like Ejaculation Control Program and also a program for women that I’m releasing soon, all the way up to private coaching. I take people through 6 to 12 months of coaching journeys and this is part of the work and special education make people aware that people like me and others exist. In the same way that you have a tennis coach or a golf coach or a French coach or a cooking coach… You study things throughout your life, it’s also important to study about sexuality and to get coaching. I’m also coaching other sexuality educators in order to provide what I call holistic sexual services and not addictive (?). So yeah, that’s generally my offerings Again, Intimatepower.com, intimate like intimacy, so Intimatepower.com there’s more details about this. And again, if somebody of your listeners is interested, I’m very happy to have a quick call, obviously for free, and see if there’s any vibe, if there’s any fit to work together.
So, with ejaculation control, that’s something I’ve been very passionate about for the past 10 or 15 years. I started by myself, discovered Tantra I’m actually known in my school as one of the more serious practitioners around that, I mean the Tantra school I studied at. And for me still it was… What the school taught me was great, but I needed a simpler structure. People address or try to learn ejaculation control with the wrong approach.
They come to me and say “Ah, I know about squeezing, Kegels and whatever, or the start – stop method, what else do I need to know?” And I would say that this is the wrong approach because they’re focusing on the technique and they need to have a process, they need to have the structure to put this practice in place I have a 5 step model that I find really helped people to get it. I ran a webinar and talked about this model, and one of the people on the webinar said immediately after the webinar they made love, and he was able to last for an hour or so until his woman orgasmed for the 4th time. So this stuff really works! This is a very clear process. It all starts with Why. The first aspect, the first step of the process is understanding why ejaculating doesn’t serve you, specifically ejaculating too fast, but generally ejaculations at all, so when men ejaculate there’s different kind of effects that happen for them and effects on the connection with their partner. And I’m not saying that ejaculation is bad – it’s beautiful, it’s natural. But when you’re not a teenager anymore, after that initial excitement of ejaculation passes, there’s an understanding or there should be an understanding that sex and sexuality is not just about ejaculation – it’s about using the sexual energy to go beyond the bodily need. And once you’re able to do that, you have a huge power source available to you.
The Why is about recognizing this sexual energy, life energy that you’re losing every time that you ejaculate, and deciding to ejaculate less. The three main aspects of that are pleasure, love and power, which means you can become multi-orgasmic, the pleasure part is you can become multi-orgasmic and bring your partner into amazing, deep orgasms. The love part is that the sexual energy is transformed into love and affection and caring and connection with yourself, with your partner and with everybody around you. We can obviously do a whole episode just on that. The online program that I have has about 10 hours of videos on this topic, so there’s a lot to go into!
Host: Wow, that’s awesome!
Eyal: Yeah. Just to give your listeners the core of the model is that the last thing is power and men these days have either lost their power or they’re missing their power and they don’t know what power means, and this practice gives you control over yourself. And, for example, there have been men that were able to deal with issues with instant gratification and addictions by practicing ejaculation control, because once you are able to resist the very natural, very strong urge to ejaculate, you’re also more able to resist alcohol and caffeine and cigarettes and obviously drugs and so on. And by the way, I do personally consume some of those things, I’m not saying it’s all bad, but it’s all in moderation.
Host: Right, that’s a great point. [laughs]
Eyal: I would have a glass of wine three times a month or something like that, I’m not against that. Although I don’t smoke. Chocolate is my drug so…
Eyal: But again, moderation. We’re still talking about the Why by the way.
Eyal: If somebody’s listening and going like: “OK, we get it, we wish you would already get to the how we do it”, you’re missing the point because the Why is the most important part.
Eyal: The stronger you are, the longer you last I’d say.
Eyal: It also gives you in terms of power and self-confidence, it gives you the ability to attract opportunities to your life to manifest actual money. So if they think about the book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill chapter 13 talks about sexual transmutation. Nobody understands what the fuck he means.
Eyal: He hints on that, but basically what he’s saying is: 2Guys, stop spreading your semen to the wind.” He said something like this. Stop sowing your wild oats. And then the next… should I just briefly go to the next aspect, next steps of the…
Host: yeah, please, take as much time as you want and I’ll come back with questions.
Eyal: I wanna only just say this is all available, or at least some of it is available on a free training that I have also on the website, so I can just give you some snippets, but the rest of the interview ‘m happy to talk about stuff that I’ve never talked about in any program or podcast or anything.
Eyal: The next stages in ejaculation control, after you figured out your Why, are Feel, Stop, and Move. Feel means feel how aroused you are, and there’s this thing called the point of no return, many people already know about this. There comes a point, when you pass this point you already fall towards ejaculation. And the idea is you can stop before it’s too late, before the point of no return, and this is kinda like the start and stop method. So feel how aroused you are, stop before you are too aroused. But then the other missing piece, and the Why is a big missing piece that nobody’s talking about, and the other missing piece is Move, you can say that that’s the 4th step of the process. Feel… Gather your Why, feel, stop and Move. Move means moving your sexual energy from your genitals throughout your body and generally to your life, to your mission. And there are physical practices, there are visualization practices, energy practices… stuff that you can do by yourself, stuff that your partner can do for you, practices that you do outside sex as well to make it easier when you have sex. In the program I created this is one of the biggest parts because there’s something like 20 different yogic techniques, some of them very secret yogic techniques that are very powerful, and basically they work. The 5th aspect of the model is called Transform, which means that this practice is going to transform your life. So transform your life in order to support this practice.
Eyal: That’s what I can say. This practice has changed my life, and it’s still an amazing practice that I intend to hold for the rest of my life, and it changed the lives of my clients and my students. It’s not about sacrificing something, it’s not like “Oh, I have to sacrifice my ejaculations!” No, it’s about experiencing new things, having more pleasure, becoming multi-orgasmic, bringing your partner to orgasmic bliss, connecting with her or him…
Eyal: … In a very deep way that you have never experienced before. It’s about a new way of living.
Host: Yeah. [laughs]
Host: You know what came to mind when you were talking about this – it’s the discipline that you hope to learn as a child about not spending all of your allowance at the candy store and saving up and going to your favorite restaurant once a month or yeah [laughs]
Eyal: That’s a beautiful example, I never thought about that. Instant gratification is buying lollipops and candies and whatever, but maybe you’re saving… I would save it like for a bicycle, cause that was my thing when I was a child. I had a fake BMX and I always wanted the real BMX. So yeah, it’s like not spending your money when you get it but saving it and saving your life energy. Good point.
Host: Just hearing you speak about it it came into my mind and I feel like.. I don’t know how many, but I’m one of, maybe not the only one who had a life history of not being shamed for self-pleasure in the home, in privacy. I was caught once and my mother was like: “It’s OK that you do that”, gave me a hug and didn’t give me a book or manual, or send me to Tantra temple school, but that was a positive imprint that wasn’t scarred by the way a lot of people are. Being shamed and then having to build these bad habits in the nervous system of being afraid, being nervous, being quiet, contracting, getting over with it quickly because you don’t know who’s gonna need to use the bathroom or you don’t have any privacy.
Eyal: Just to add to that, I fully agree with you and I actually had the similar negative experiences, and when I work with women either one on one in body work or via Skype, I do what I call sexual activation sessions for women who are interested and open to this which means I manage to help them to get into an orgasmic state without even touching them, by guiding them towards breath and sound and movement. And one of the things that I really noticed there is that women’s throats are usually blocked, and this is also something that Tantra says about the throat chakra. One of the reasons is that the women are used to shutting their pleasure sounds, so the pleasure sounds will be locked in the chest. And its related to women not having a voice and not expressing themselves in the world, not expressing their needs and opinions and their feelings. This is how sexual work can empower somebody outside of the bedroom.
Host: Right. Yes. I’ve seen the transformation, a kind of Tantra makeover before and after, where someone just becomes a blowtorch of energy, just totally present and alive and before they were really crippled and gnarled.
Host: I know what you mean. So the template that I was describing of men who stumbled upon having this ability because their self-pleasuring ritual in childhood or adolescence was longer because they were really fully loving themselves and maybe ejaculating, maybe not, which is sort of having the freedom to be in a sort of zone, and then… it was never that big of an issue for me, lasting long enough with a lover, because I lasted long with myself! Cause why wouldn’t I? Cause I wasn’t afraid about it, you know? [laughs]
Host: It’s like the idea of reverse-engineering it so that you can teach it, and then finding the manuals and the scriptures and all these things that kinda reinforce a training methodology. Do you encounter or have to sift through that, finding where people are at with how their nervous system is trained with all those pressures and anxieties, and of course porn kinda driving you towards rapid ejaculation?
Eyal: Porn is obsessed with semen.
Host: Exactly, it’s kind of a cult.
Eyal: Yeah and it’s funny, because there’s a whole addiction and infatuation. I was infatuated with sperm when I started ejaculating when I was 13. And porn is still infatuated. Again, 99 percent of por. There’s like 1 percent of ethical, conscious porn, but 99 percent of it is just infatuated with penetration, cock inside pussy, r objectification of the body and the white stuff. That’s a whole different conversation, so what I would really suggest people is that the arousal should come internally, or from one’s own body and touch. I touch my cock, it becomes hard. It doesn’t always become hard d by the way, and if it doesn’t that’s also OK.
Eyal: So the deal is really to learn how to pleasure yourself and empower yourself and connect to yourself and not rely on external things, not even another person. That makes sense.
Host: Right. Have you dealt with cases where, I think we should get into the porn thing a bit cause I’m seeing this… I’m in my mid 30s and I feel blessed to have had very minimal access to porn through most of my adolescence and so I developed the positive habit I would say of developing a sexual imagination and therefore kinda haphazardly, in an unskilled way, I was using the energy to have fantasies and that would give me confidence, or that would give me more relation to kinda know what l like and who I wanna pursue, and just… Now I’d say that, using more skilled techniques, that the sort of hypnogogic, masturbatory, meditative metabation space is like a desktop environment for magic and manifestation and design. Porn just kills all of that if you’re not using imagination. So do you help guys guide meditation kinda retrain them to be more imaginative and more enticed by their own fantasy realm?
Eyal: Yeah. I would really usually suggest people to go cold turkey on porn. And there’s also good websites that do that, I don’t remember exactly the name, I have it somewhere in the resources for the program. So yeah, go cold turkey. Even if you don’t get hard and don’t get aroused, just gradually building that, cause sometimes it takes the brain to rewire a few weeks or even a month, but remember it’s about self-connection, not just self-pleasuring and not just about orgasms. So one of the things that I guide men is to relax with the demands that they put on themselves to perform. And in some ways it’s about actually connecting to their feminine side. The feminine side that feels, the feminine side that nurtures, because many men if you see them masturbating, they’re very technical, very harsh, very hard, and this is again the kind of sex that porn shows us.
Eyal: So instead, just going slower, going softer and retraining your body to feel pleasure, to express pleasure. There’s obviously much more than that, but… I’m happy to talk about the sex industry and all of this because most of this stuff people can just find on my program. Again, there’s a 6- or 7-day free program on the website, so yeah, they can just check that out.
Host: OK So touching on the why and the how… and another rant that I saw you give, I don’t just wanna call it a rant, I wanna call it more like a treatise, a treatise on why we, not only why we should value this process of retaining the seed, but the integrity to… There’s many different schools of Tantra, but in general, the Tantric path of going from being a boy to a man to a god, embodied divine masculine being, requires that sexual Yoga practice, and either being celibate and practicing some sort of transmutation cultivation, or being on the left hand path as it were and having partners, but certainly valuing and honoring and holding sacred ejaculation and not just having it be frivolous.
I think if you google Tantra, you’re gonna find mostly untrained sex workers who may or may not have any training, but they just know that they can ask for more money if they use certain words in their advertising, and then it becomes a glorified rub’n’tug so to speak. And from my perspective, if they’re doing the value ad of breathing and chakra healing and energy moving and dressing up and using candles and incense and oil and that’s beautiful, because it’s not gonna happen in most other settings, but they also have the power to give more of a training or more of an offering, a teaching, to their client, which they may or may not have come for something like that, but you have some strong feelings about it, so I wanna give it over to you to kinda share that thesis, and then we can talk about it a bit.
Eyal: This is obviously a topic that, another topic that I’m very passionate about. And also because it’s about… It’s not about people individually, it’s about the professionals that are seeing hundreds of clients a year or thousands of clients in their lifetime. What I see in the sex industry is that there’s a lot of issues. Ad for those that are interested to really read all of my thoughts, we can put it in the show links. Basically I have an article that is called My Vision… Or the problem with the story, the Problem with the sex Industry, I’m just gonna google it…And it’s on my website. So there’s two articles, one of them “The Problem With Sex Industry”, and the other one is “My Vision for a Conscious Sex Industry”. The problem is that many times… In sex industry by the way, I include anybody who does any service which is considered sexual. It’s not just hookers, it’s not just strippers. It’s not just intimate massage to erotic massage or whatever. Everything which is considered sexual is a part of the sex industry.
Eyal: And right now, the sex industry is basically pertaining to or addressing what the client wants or what the client thinks that they need, and then their service provider gives them a service as if they were ordering from a menu. So somebody would go to an escort or even just to a so called tantric massage practitioner, and she would give him a routine massage and many times it would include a happy ending, and this is the service. And what happens is that those men… And again, there’s obviously men like me who give services to women, but generally its men clients and women providers. And what happens to those men is that they don’t learn anything new, they don’t really get empowered in their sexuality, it just… what’s the word, reinforces the same problematic patterns that men have. And again, I’m generalizing a lot, but let’s say I’ve talked with enough sexual practitioners to know about this. And in terms of the women, the women would sometimes be subjected and subjectified as objects and not as healers, not as goddesses. They might call themself a goddess, but they’re not really empowered.
Eyal: What I’ve seen, what I want to see, so the other article is My Vision for a Conscious Sex Industry, is that people go to sexual healers and sexual practitioners, and the sexual practitioner decides what they give them, what they do for them. So a man might come to a sexual practitioner and she would just caress him for an hour. And that caressing him for an hour and giving him love and tenderness, she would determine, she would decide that this is what he needs. And yes, maybe he needs his cock sucked as well. It’s not just about one thing, it’s about having practitioners who are professional enough and empowered enough, independent enough to make the right call, not to give the clients what they want, what they ask for, but giving them what the practitioner feels that they need. Actually just going back to the problems, it’s not just about touch-based services, about peep shows and erotic dancing and all of this stuff. The problem with that is again the objectifying of the women. They have to wear these seemingly sexy clothes and high heels. They dance in these freezing cold clubs, and it’s all very fake. There’s actually conscious erotic dancing. My ex-partner, a woman called Vanessa Florence created the dancing Eros in Australia. Dancing Eros is women who are not practitioners, I don’t know how to call it, laypeople, laywomen, just women, accountants and whatever, Yoga teachers and nurses, single moms and stay at home moms and whatever, learning conscious erotic dancing and then performing or making a ritual in front of their partners.
Eyal: I attended those rituals and it’s beautiful to see women who are not sex workers who are going into conscious erotic dance.
Eyal: and the idea is for the men to see their women in their real pleasure, in their real power, in their vulnerability. Ad this is something which is transformational for both men and women to watch. Sometimes in these rituals there’s also women witnesses. There’s no touch, there’s no nothing. There’s just the dancers dancing, and the witnesses are witnessing. This is also what I picture that can be on a professional level. I envision, it’s a vision shared by the creators of dancing Eros and other conscious erotic dance around the world, the vision is to have temples where men and women go and watch, generally women but also men embody the goddess, embody the god. Be really the body, express pleasure, and it’s amazing to watch that. Some of the pleasure in watching porn is to watch somebody in their pleasure, but porn is usually fake. The bodies are fake, the expressions of pleasure are fake, everything’s fake.
Eyal: But if you watch a woman on a half an hour orgasmic state that she achieves just from breathing and moving, this is a life-changing experience just to witness it.
Eyal: Just to be aware that it’s available. That it’s possible.
Host: That’s beautiful. I’m totally on the same page with you – I would love to see women-owned, cooperative, collective Eros entertainment centers that are nonprofit, for-profit, clinical, religious, there’s so many different… In the US, there’s a lot of repression of all things progressive with sexuality, but there’s also wild new precedents being set every day. I don’t know what’s gonna happen in the next few years, but probably a lot of proactive activism around all things in this industry.
Host: It just seems… I think we’ll agree it’s this whole sexual economic system is skewed towards the endpoint of male ejaculation and every aspect of it is like this funnel, this slippery slope funnel, downward spiral to that point of surrendering that energy. Have you studied any of the gnostic, esoteric wisdom tradition stuff around there being greater astral implications if we’re ejaculating or perhaps feeding… if we’re mindlessly ejaculating, we could be perhaps feeding the dark forces of the unseen spirit world? Is that something you’ve delved into? You may not be teaching that at business seminars, but in your own studies.
Eyal: Yeah. I’ve studied at what I consider one of the best Tantra schools, which is like proper Tantra, Traditional Tantra, just part of it is sexuality.
Eyal: One of the best Tantra schools in the world, which is Agama Yoga in Thailand. I’ve studied for years basically all the traditional Tantra and the Tantric arts and very advanced Yogic practices and meditation retreats, tons of 10-day silent meditation retreats, darkness meditation retreats where I spent a few days in complete darkness… So yeah, a lot of that I still have that knowledge and information, but I choose not to talk about it too much, cause I wanna make it more accessible to people. I’m a very practical person. If I ask somebody: “What happens if you ejaculate five times in a row?” they’ll tell me: “I feel half-dead.”
Eyal: So for me, that’s a good enough proof that ejaculation drains you of energy.
Host: Hearing you say it that way, and I know that feeling, when I was younger it sort of… You can get away with it easier when you’re younger for hormonal reasons, that’s your prime, that’s when you’re supposed to be out there doing it. If we think about it, where does that energy go? Just off into the abyss where there’s nothing lurking to feed on it? I don’t think so. I think there’s probably things out there that benefit from males bleeding their energy into the ether and maybe that’s what that cult of ejaculation and porn is about, this kind of more than meets the eye… you can say that about any addiction – maybe there’s more than just physiology, if you wanna look at the spiritual traditions, behind negative impulses and compulsions and neuroses and whatnot.
Host: And I think if you were to pull back the veil at a strip club and see all of this gross, nasty, pathetic, exploitative dark energy just sort of feeding this… You can feel it. You have that sense of the gunk that’s around these institutions and the vibe there. It’s pretty palpable.
Eyal: yeah. My spiritual practice is very much about consciousness. I don’t have any way to prove to listeners if these things exist or not, but I would say if you cultivate consciousness around what you feel and what your addictions are and what your emotions are, and basically learn how to control them, witness them and go beyond them, that’s the practice. It’s the same thing with everything in life. It’s with food, it’s with other behaviors which are sometimes not serving us, and then taking a pause for a moment and saying why do I want this? Why do I feel this? What am I trying not to feel? For example, men ejaculate so they don’t feel intimacy, so they don’t feel love.
Host: Oh yeah.
Eyal: Basically it makes them feel numb, so they’re not in their power. Why am I having this food? Why am I working too hard? Why am I doing something? So yeah, for me it’s all about cultivating presence, basically consciousness and love. This is my practice. And yeah, other things around, this is also what sexual healing and coaching women receive. When women have orgasmic issues they go to a doctor and they… Let me start again and say when somebody would have a pain in their back, they would go and see a massage practitioner, but when a woman has pains in her yoni, in her vagina, she would go and see a psychologist, or she would go to see a medical practitioner that would give her some drugs to relax her muscles or whatever.
What I would say is that actually they need to see a sexual healer, sexual coach, for either coaching or actual body work. A lot of this stuff is psychological, but many times it’s not just the psychological that psychologists and psychiatrists help, but stuff that even coaches who are experienced with working on sexuality can actually help. So when I coach women around their sexuality, and I’m not a trained or certified anything, I help them to become multi-orgasmic because I help them change their mindset, their limiting beliefs about themselves and about sexuality.
To give you an example, I have this client who is very sweet, a very beautiful woman. If you’d see her, you’d call her sweet and cute and all of this stuff. But she has sexual fantasies of wanting to be fucked by two men at the same time, and whipped and stuff, and she feels horribly ashamed of that. And then I come and say: 2No, this is totally natural that you feel these fantasies. ” It’s even sometimes going towards rape fantasies. Rape fantasies don’t mean that a woman actually wants to be raped. It means that she’s yearning for a very strong masculine to surrender to. This is a very big, very important distinction.
Eyal: People feel a lot of shame around their sexual desires and their sexual fantasies, but they have to recognize what’s underneath them, and basically allow them to act out these things in a safe way, because whatever is not expressed becomes suppressed.
Eyal: The reason that there’s so much porn and actual rapes and sexual assaults and sexual dysfunctions, premature ejaculation, anorgasmia for women, all the way to cancers and medical issues with the reproductive system, I really see that the reason for that is the mind-body connection and shame and repression around sexuality.
Eyal: If you wanna find the proof for this, look at the symptoms in society.
Eyal: So stop repressing…
Eyal: If there’s les progression and less suppression of sexual urges, sexual thoughts, sexual expression, sexual pleasure, sexual energy, there will be basically less physical issues, psychological issues, health issues and so on. And it all starts from a person, from yourself. I have a movement called The New Sexual Revolution that I’m creating these days. I don’t know if this is actually gonna change the policies and the education system, But what I can change is people’s individual experiences with sexuality.
Eyal: Instead of waiting for the system to change, change yourself.
Host: Alright, I like that.
Eyal: And what I was saying is that when a woman is having these issues, go and see coach, go to see a healer, and that might include talking, that might include practices that you do by yourself, and I can say that most of the women that I’ve worked with, who’ve done their homework, have become multi-orgasmic, deeply orgasmic, crazily orgasmic. Knew orgasms that they’ve never felt before within around 4 to 8 weeks of practice. Without me touching them, from the other side of the world.
Eyal: I sometimes say: “Orgasms are easy!”
Eyal: And it’s not just about having an orgasm or having 20 orgasms, it’s basically going to an orgasmic state that can last for half an hour, an hour, where you hardly remember your name.
Eyal: Some women tell me: “Ah, that sounds exhausting”” and this might be a topic for another episode, but it’s exhausting because women are having the wrong kind of orgasms. Not wrong ethically, but they basically have orgasms that don’t serve them what’s called explosive orgasms. And instead they can have the other kind of orgasms, implosive orgasms, and that is a power source, it’s not a power drain. And again, that’s another thing that I do for people – I educate them and I give them practices to be able to do that. Yeah, there’s a lot!
Host: That’s awesome. Thank you for all that. Have you ever encountered the sort of cultural cliché of the idea that men… It’s kinda the joke that men don’t wanna stop and ask for directions because it insults their manhood somehow o have to admit that they don’t know something? I’ve seen that in movies throughout my life and it’s sort of that common cliché. Of course, now everyone’s got GPS so it’s kinda outdated, but the idea is something I want to get into. This is the sort of deeper gender framework that we’re in that kinda expects the man to just be automatically proficient at sex and so it’s really not talked about that he’s failing because he’s got no training. I mean, no one expects you to not know how to play football and not have any training in football and go out on the football field and actually not get destroyed in seconds, but in the bedroom, we accept it and take it for granted that because we’re afraid to admit that the woman actually has to… it doesn’t have to be a woman, but let’s say that the orgasmic dynamic is intrinsically inferior in case of men and superior in the case of the female-bodied women just out of the box. It’s like this looming foolishness of patriarchal arrogance about everything, you know? It’s like the most shooting yourself in the foot thing you could to be not willing to learn from and understand study what is happening for this, my woman who is… Or the woman before me, my beloved is going into all these ecstatic trance states and lasting all this time, what’s wrong with me is the question really.
The joke is on the men for having this patriarchal society that makes them believe that they have the answers to everything, but then of course, they’ll drive their family in circles lost because they won’t ask for directions and they’ll just get knocked out in 2 minutes in the bedroom by their beloved because they won’t ask questions about how they like to be touched, what works for them, and why they get to go so much longer without having these problems. So, what are your thoughts on that?
Eyal: First of all, going back to the ejaculation thing, there’s a bigger problem in society which is like you said, nobody teaches us about sex, we’re supposed to learn it by ourselves. People think that if they watch porn they would learn about sex. They read “50 Shades of Grey” or whatever. So really, sex is an art. Sex is like a martial art. It’s a life skill. People learn diving, so if you learn diving in a driving school with a driving teacher and take a driving test, and get a driving license… And there’s also external feedback, so if you pass a red light, there’s a camera there and you get a ticket. So many things in society we can learn and study, but sexual education is shit. Usually sexual education is very results-oriented and it’s very technical.
Eyal: A journalist asked me for my comment on an article called “5 Foods to Improve Your Sex Life”. Obviously there’s some food that has some aphrodisiac effect and so on, but it’s such a minor effect compared to some practices that you can do, and some mindset shifts and lifestyle changes that you can do to make yourself more sexual and orgasmic. And I truly agree with you with this idea of men think they know what they’re doing, and this immature masculine which is going like: “Oh, I can do it by myself! I can do it alone!”
Host: Host: Yeah.
Eyal: It’s like: “Don’t tell me how to do it!” Sorry buddy, there’s some people that started this and they might help you to be the best version of yourself and to be a multi-orgasmic man, to connect to your partner.
Host: Sexual humility. Sexual humility! [laughs]
Eyal: Yeah. And actually I created one of my workshops, I have a few workshop offerings and, sadly you guys in the US I’m holding them here in Melbourne, Australia, but I have one which is called “Beyond Yoni Massage: Awakening Female Pleasure”. And awakening female pleasure is about showing men how they can, teaching men how they can pleasure, heal and empower a woman with their presence, with their eyes, with their voice, with a very light touch which is not a genital touch. And also obviously it includes Yoni massage, vaginal massage, Yoni mapping, de-armoring and all of this good stuff. I have this video on YouTube where I show how I get various women into orgasmic states with hardly touching them. This is what men need to learn, and I’m doing this work for the men and also for the women in the world. Cause if I help a man, I help the women that he’s with.
Eyal: So yeah, there’s so much to learn. I’ve been doing this work for years and I’m constantly learning things.
Eyal: It’s about Attitude and not about techniques I like to say.
Eyal: Having the right attitude – attitude of humility and attitude of exploration. And what happens in these workshops, really, men discover things that they would never imagine were possible. I did a demo a few days ago at a sexuality festival called “Celebrating Sexuality in Australia”, and people were shocked because they never saw a woman in this state. And if I’m not mistaken, I kinda touched her yoni after 45 minutes on the outside on her knickers, not like stimulation – no rubbing, no clitoral addictions or anything, just what I call sexual activation. And again, people were shocked, because they never saw that something like this is possible.
Eyal: And something also that you mentioned… there’s also clitoral addiction in society. It again comes from miseducation. The clitoris is beautiful and pleasurable and great, but people are too focused on that and they’re forgetting about the whole body and the internal vagina and so on. So yeah, there’s so much, there is so much.
Host: I’m not sure if you’ll have much background in this, but I did some…. My passion in college was anthropology, especially environmental anthropology, human ecology and also my lovers at the time and pretty much ever since have all been pretty hard-core eco-feminists with a real background in anthropological research, which has kinda been helpful to reshape our barbaric attitudes about Paleolithic sex and love. I think the book “Sex at Dawn” really brings so much of a wealth of knowledge about different relationship styles obviously before domestication and whatnot, but what I really would love to find is more comprehensive studies from an anthropological perspective that look at non-industrial societies or non-agricultural societies, let’s say horticultural societies, hunter-gatherer societies, and really…
Do you know of any studies that would give us a sense of what a more primal love-making cycle would look like? Males would obviously be uncircumcised in almost all cases, which is a huge factor, and also just the sexual initiation rights and the long unashamed, uncontrolled or let’s say unrepressed sexual freedom. And I don’t wanna go in with cameras and make anthro-porn or something, but I know there is videos…
Eyal: I’d watch it!
Host: [laughs] But I mean, it seems like… Wouldn’t it be great to have the sort of data compiled that gives a sense… We say the average sex in America lasts 2-5 minutes or something or 3-7 minutes s or whatever it is, but anthropologists would be able to give us the data of, say, for 99 percent of human history the average length of coitus was this number of minutes and whatever, and females are pretty much guaranteed orgasm because they aren’t traumatized and they aren’t armored around it and they’re living in an orgasmic daoistic state of bliss and ecstasy. I’m so curious now what other people in the Tantra field know about pre-domesticated pre-industrial agricultural societies, what the baseline is.
Eyal: I’m not an expert in this specific thing, but the little bit that I know is obviously all the tantric law, all the tantric teachings. If you go really into not just sexual Tantra, but the tantra of life, the Tantra of energy, the Tantra of loving, the Tantra of yoga, they have a lot of practices around that, so that’s obviously my background. There’s Taoism as well and Taoism came from Tantra. And also then it influenced Tantra, so that’s another huge body of knowledge around sexual practices. I have to say that with traditional, with tribal societies, sometimes there are good examples, sometimes there are not good examples because there’s also other problems in them, and one of them is that there’s so much hard work needed to survive, they don’t have their 2 hours to have tantric love-making. And also women keep bearing children all the time from a very young age, and there’s other issues there, but one culture which I can give an example as well is the Polynesian. I don’t remember… I think if you google Polynesian sexuality or stuff like this, you will find reports of where the colonialists first got to them, they were very sexually open… And there are studies on that by the way, I’m pretty sure I read some google results taken from some book. The Muslims used to have some practices as well. Not the hard-core Muslims obviously, but the practices of imsac, i-m-s-a-c as well were related to that. It was more like red Tantra, so it was more about pleasure, not so much about spirituality. But yeah, so basically anything that existed before Christianity and the western mindset got to was really good. So some of this stuff exists.
Host: Yeah. Someday I’d like to put together a conference, and this is a call for papers. Start doing the research now, whoever’s out there, cause if we can have a world map of places where you can go… I mean imagine if you were doing sexual healing work and you could say: “Hey everybody that’s traumatized, we’re gonna go take a field trip to a culture where none of this bullshit ever happened”
Eyal: I don’t think it exists to be honest.
Host: No, not anymore.
Eyal: I think there’s very little pockets of real great sexuality in the world. I would actually give an example the Dutch. The Dutch are some of the most sexually open expressive and… I mean again, there are still issues, but I’ve been to many different countries in Europe and the Middle East and Australia. I have not been to the US yet, and I can say that the Dutch are among the most relaxed around sexuality that I’ve seen.
Eyal: Even more than the Swedes.
Host: Oh wow!
Eyal: What I would say is that there’s people around the world who are sexual experts and healers and educators. Go and find their teachings.
Eyal: Go and find what they do, what they experience. The Polynesians aren’t around anymore, at least the sexually-free Polynesians aren’t around anymore, but all of these people and educators… ISTA, the International School of Temple Arts, I think they have some branches still in the US, this is a good school, there’s a few good schools around. Just understand that there’s so much to learn, and it’s not a daunting task that there’s so much to learn, it’s such an exciting thing that you can study sexuality all your life and you can keep growing in it. And sexuality is not just about sex, this is my really important point I wanna make, sexuality is about life. You can do sexual practices while being celibate and not having a partner, and you can really be creative and advance in society and make lots of money and help lots of people with sexual practices that that don’t involve another person.
Eyal: And if you do choose to interact with another person there’s another benefit to that as well. So, it’s not about the one hour lovemaking, or the multiple orgasms or whatever. It’s about really how to sue your sexual energy to transform your life.
Host: Right. I’d love to talk now more about the glory of cultivating and transmuting and really harvesting the energy for manifestation and for energizing your purpose and all of the stuff that’s gonna sell it to… Cause imagine just right now we snap our fingers and all of the men who have been going to get off going to wherever, with whoever to go and get off, that they hear this podcast and they decide: “You know what, I’m gonna give this a try. What’s in it for me now?”
What’s the some of the elevator pitch bullet points of the benefits that you get so there’s that sort of internal drive? I mean, I’ll just say one last thing before I hand it over. I was just talking with a sex worker friend of mine, an actual trained dakini who has the skills and wants to put them to work, but just says: “I can’t. I tried to get them on board with the discipline and the training, and they just won’t have it, and they will go to somebody else and I will lose business, so I’m stuck in this low vibrational addictive pattern and if it’s my livelihood I’m not volunteering to do it at a clinic in some low-income area or something.” It’s a vicious cycle so I really think it’s gonna be up to people like you and me and others to make semen retention sexy if you will. So on that topic, please, how do we… Yeah.
Eyal: Let me first address this professional sex worker or whoever she is. I hear that a lot, and I starts from the person’s own beliefs and experiences around semen retention and sexual empowerment, because if she doesn’t really know enough practices to teach them, she would not be able to help them. If she doesn’t have the right mindset, and again, it’s all the mindset, it’s the Why. Why, why why? Why last longer? Why minimize ejaculation? When she understands it, when she’s totally sold on that, she would be a much better transmitter of that in the same way that when I started practicing Tantra, I attracted women who challenged my practice. They wanted me to come, and they complained, and this and that.
Eyal: In the past few years when I’m so confident about my practice, even when I interact with women who don’t have any experience from Tantra, they’re not from Tantric circles, they don’t ask me to ejaculate. They’re very happy that I don’t ejaculate. And again, don’t ejaculate doesn’t mean that I don’t orgasm – I have beautiful pleasure and orgasmic states and so on, but when you are really clear and really dedicated to this approach, to this way of life, you will attract people who would be interested in that, and actually as a sex worker you have an edge over other sex workers because you say: “I can make you a multi-orgasmic man and you can drive women wild for hours without ejaculating. You can become multi-orgasmic and you will be more successful in whatever thing that you do in life”.
So, somebody can be a multi-millionaire and they can be creative, successful, socially successful and so on, and the moment they control their ejaculation, they would go one step higher or two steps higher, or have the same thing, but will be more relaxed about themselves and more self-loving. By the way, ejaculation is also sometimes related to self-sabotage and so on, so that’s another aspect of it. I would say it’s not about selling anything, it’s about explaining to people what are the benefits and how their life will change, and inviting them to try, because some people tell me it’s like: 2Oh, I’m sure you’re wrong because once I tried it for 3 days and then my balls were hurting.”, and I was like: “OK, you don’t have the complete picture obviously…”
Eyal: “…you don’t have my 5-step model. If you had my 5-step model, you’d know that the 4th step is moving the energy, and if you move the energy, you wouldn’t have blue balls and wouldn’t feel like you’re so horny you could fuck a horse and wouldn’t be frustrated.”
Host: [laughs] Yeah.
Eyal: going back to the Why is, I think the videos on my program are around 45 minutes to an hour just on the Why. This is how long I spend telling people about all the different aspects of this. You wanna make more money? Control your sexual energy. Because sexual energy is creative energy, and as an accountant you can be more creative and have more creative tax solutions. As a coder you can be more creative. As a lawyer you can be more creative.
Host: You know, something that I do definitely wanna mention… we didn’t really try to compartmentalize the different… The sexual kung-fu Daoist template for pretty rigid ejaculation intervals throughout life stages changing. There’s a whole system, a vast system in the Far East and then the South Asian Tantra and Nepalese, Tibetan Buddhist Tantra… I think there’s a lot of debate and conflicting views on best practices, but one thing that I found that really kinda helps navigate through all that is, you could call it a bridge or maybe a stepping stone or a gateway or pathway… What do you think about the idea that maybe instead of telling men: “You have to stop coming, you have to stop releasing your see”, and that’s such a right angle turn, it’s such a 180 for them. It’s different if you think of it like harvest the energy of your desire to get off and do five or six, I think (Montaug Chia?) says raise the level, the plateau of the orgasmic climax…
Host: … and give five or six cycles before you release. And other accounts would say you’re sort of like the spent fuel that comes out which is sort of the post-transmutation semen is not as potent if you… You’re not losing that potency if you cultivate it and then release it. So, where does that middle ground fit into your thinking about whether or not it’s multiple dry orgasms and then release or no release ever, or…?
Eyal: Yeah, I actually discussed it with a very experienced Chinese medicine practitioner lately, and I would say most men throughout their life have ejaculated either once a day or a few times a week. And if somebody is 40 and they’ve been doing it since they were 13, they’ve been doing it for 7 years.
Host: Wow. Yeah, that’s a lot.
Eyal: First of all have 1 or 2 years when you try and not ejaculate at all, or you still might have wet dreams or accidents or whatever, but first of all have a real experience how it feels like. And remember, you’re not sacrificing anything. There’s no sacrifice! You’re gaining new things, you’re experiencing more pleasure, becoming a multi-orgasmic man. You’re connecting with your partner. You’re known as a stud that can last for hours if this is what you want.
Eyal: You’re connected with greater love and connection with your partner. You can bring her to orgasm through penetration for hours. You gain more self-confidence. You build up the good side of your ego. And then yeah, you use this energy for manifestation, and if you really move the energy, this would be available to you, to your life mission, to your business. To your social charity, to your family as a dad as well.
Eyal: As a family member. As a spiritual practice, whatever you do. And again, this is not just me saying this, this is some of the biggest schools of thought in the world, like the religions…. It’s not just about shame, they recognize that frequent ejaculations drain you from your energy.
Host: There is that deeper… yeah.
Eyal: And it’s not just a dogma, it’s an experience. Ejaculate 3 time in a row… by the way, if you’re not 15, when I was 15 I was able to do it 5 times in a row. But you get to 30, and for some people even to 25, and you can’t do it so many times. So there’s a proof that your body loses energy when you ejaculate.
Eyal: So instead, use the energy. Dedicate the energy o whatever you do in life. Before I have sex by the way, I would make like a short consecration or prayer or dedication of the energies to my relationships, to my health, to my business, to money, to spiritual practice, to all of the above basically. In the moment where there’s a voice in my head which is telling me: “Ejaculate! Ejaculate! Ejaculate!”
Eyal: I just witness that and I say: “No. My energy goes towards my highest potential, not my lowest potential. “
Host: Wow. You nailed it, yeah. Guys will buy into whatever somebody is shouting in their face, whether it’s a drill sergeant or a sports coach or daddy… It’s sad that it’s all skewed. I have this joke about how we pay these boxers 180 million dollars to punch each other in the head repeatedly and not fall over, but when they go home to celebrate their win with their wife, she knocks them out in no time.
Host: They’re completely knocked unconscious by the yoni but they can be punched in the head hundreds of times and it doesn’t faze them, so they condition themselves to be punched in the head repeatedly, but not to be a heavyweight lover. [laughs]
Eyal: Yeah. And by the way another proof of that is that the people who are into professional sports, the men are advised not to ejaculate in the night before a match or…
Host: Oh right. You know that, right.
Eyal: … sometimes a few days before the match because they lose energy.
Host: M-hm, the passion.
Eyal: So it’s physical energy, mental energy… By the way, it also creates a slight depression or it can aggravate signs of depression because of all the hormonal shifts after ejaculation, so yeah, there’s so much into it. I’m not vilifying ejaculation, I can drink my semen in rare occasions when I ejaculate. It’s natural, it’s beautiful, there’s no problem. But if you want to go beyond that and if you wanna really see how your life transforms, give it a try and make sure that you have the right guidance. And again, Ejaculationcontrolprogram.com, that’s one of the websites around that.
Eyal: And what I would really recommend people if they wanna go into that, cause there might be somebody listening and you know that you have a mission in life, you know that you have greater potential than what you are expressing right now, go to the website and book a free chat with me and we’ll see if I can help you to go to the next level. Specifically women, but also I work with men who are serious.
Host: Right on, who are serious. Yeah man… well I so appreciate everything you’ve shared and really feel honored to be able to have this conversation, have you hear out some of my wilder questions about the subject, but I think this is a good starting point for a lot of people who are interested. And I think it’s gonna require a publicist for a new meme, for a new like you said sexual revolution where men are humbled by female sexual power and wisdom and are willing to be in service of it and… I like what someone said once, “What would the world look like if it took 30 to 40 minutes for a man to be so aroused by deep intimacy in his heart that his penis can get aroused?”
Host: What would the world look like if there was equality in the arousal cycle… Imagine, there would be no rape, first and foremost, there would be no rape.
Host: If you couldn’t get an erection without feeling loved and going both ways in all directions, then your penis wouldn’t work.
Host: I mean, that would be what we’re trying to get to, right? It’s that sensitivity.
Eyal: Yeah, and I would also invite professionals and educators and even people who are not in the sex industry, coaches and so on, to contact me because I see this idea of an organization which is empowering people who give services to other people like coaches and mentors and counselors and so on…
Eyal: … and empowers them with some sexual practices. Because right now they don’t know what to tell to their clients.
Eyal: I work with a sports coach, one of those leading rugby coaches, and he starts to include men’s work and men’s empowering in his sports coaching thanks to the coaching that I’m giving him. So it’s not just about sex work – everybody can benefit from this work, so talk with me if you wanna look into partnerships and into how we can bring this knowledge into your audience and your clients.
Host: I think you really have a TED talk. We need to get you a TED talk man.
Eyal: Yeah, I’m working on that. I had actually a mock picture on the TED stage, I was on a TED event a few weeks ago, so it’s definitely one of my plans and stuff.
Eyal: Yeah, awesome.
Eyal: Thank you very much, and check out Intimatepower.com for links. I think I can make a page with at least some of the stuff we talked about, so I can put it at Intimatepower.com/tantrapunk.
Host: Alright, cool! That would be great and we’ll get the links that you mentioned on the show notes for this episode. And yeah, do you have any final closing thoughts you wanna share?
Eyal: Just to say thank you to you because you really asked me some questions that nobody else asked me. So I’m really grateful for you bringing this to the agenda and sharing that. It’s only through people like you that the word, that the work, that the message really reaches the people that need to hear it. So yeah, applause to you mate,
Host: Right on! Thank you likewise. Hopefully we’ll get to see each other and hang out sometime.
Host: Until then, definitely blessings in all your great works and we’ll be in touch. I can’t wait to see this new… Is there a website or any kind of resource or any kind of manifesto or mission statement you have for the new sexual revolution platform? I love the title so I wanna endorse it.
Eyal: Thank you. I’m building this these days, so it’s a big thing.
Eyal: But let’s say some of my current thoughts and ideas and practices would be on the page that we’re sharing with your listeners right now.
Host: Awesome. Cool. Alright then. Thank you again so much, and we’ll talk soon!
Eyal: OK buddy, thank you very much.
Host: Right. Take care. Buh-bye.