There are many reasons that might cause your woman to avoid having sex with you.
Here are some of the main ones, followed by what you can actually do about it:
Reason #1 – Do you come too fast?
On average, men ejaculate after 5.4 minutes from the moment of penetration. That’s not long enough for a woman to have an internal orgasm or for the couple to experience deep connection in love making.
Lasting as long as BOTH PARTNERS want is possible, and it’s one of the core aspects of being a good lover, although not the only one.
What to do?
Learn to relax all your muscles and especially those around your genitals.
Practice the following steps:
1. FEEL how aroused you are. Notice that there’s a point, around 80% of your pleasure, called the “point of no return” or PNR. If you reach the PNR, you ejaculate.
2. STOP when you are too aroused. Many men (and women) aren’t aware that they can actually stop or pause during sex. Pausing helps you stay under the PNR. Make sure to pause well ahead of the PNR, and pull out if you need to.
3. MOVE the sexual energy. This step is missing from most ejaculation-control (lasting longer) resources out there. Again, make sure you are completely relaxed, which allows the sexual energy to flow throughout your body. Inhale to your belly and make long slow exhalations. Draw the energy up your spine to your heart and forehead. Take a cold shower.
For many more tips and techniques on lasting longer, check out the free “ejaculation control program” here.
Reason #2 – Are you a good lover?
Lasting longer is crucial, but it’s not the only skill in being a good lover.
Are you opening your woman’s heart?
Are you saying the right things?
Are you touching her like she wants to be touched?
Does she experience vaginal and whole body orgasms, or just the quick clitoral orgasms that leave her feeling depleted?
What to do ?
Express love and appreciation to her, her body, her character and her actions.
Engage in loooong foreplay, and see if she gets aroused from that.
Ask her to tell you EXACTLY how she wants to be touched and made love to.
Make it clear that you don’t expect to penetrate her, and that you only want to go as far as she is comfortable in that moment, even if you had sex hundreds of times before.
Ask for consent, even if you’re sure she wants it, even if you’ve been together for 20 years.
As you are making out and getting closer to sex, ask her at every step if she is ready for you to touch her breasts or her vagina or to penetrate her. Get a verbal yes. If possible, she should invite you to touch or penetrate.
Understand that men and women are wired differently.
Men want their genitals to be touched as early as possible, and then they are ready for the rest of their body to be touched. Women are exactly the opposite. Women get aroused from up downwards, from outside inwards, and from soft to a bit harder. They need to have their heart opened and their non-erogenous areas touched before proceeding to kissing, breasts and genitals. Men usually touch women too early, too fast and too hard.
Instead, slow down and go AROUND wherever you’re going before getting there. Err on the side of later, slower, and softer.
Reason #3 – Is the relationship going well outside of the bedroom?
Men can more easily compartmentalize their life and relationship.
You might fight with your woman but still be happy to have sex with her.
It doesn’t work like that for most women.
If she’s unhappy about your relationship, if she doesn’t feel loved and seen, if she feels you’re being a jerk, then she might not want to have sex with you, even if you had great sex in the past.
What to do ?
Find a quiet moment and sit with her.
Tell her how much you love her and appreciate her and grateful to be with her.
Ask her how she’s been feeling, if there’s anything that she want to share with you.
Ask her what you can do for her, and how your relationship can feel even better for her.
Dedicate more quality time to her and your relationship.
Go on dates.
Read relationship books.
Spend quality time together, without phones, TVs or kids around.
See a relationship counselor.
Even if you don’t have major issues, they can still improve things.
Reason #4 – Are you on your mission ?
Having a mission and purpose is considered a masculine trait.
If you aren’t passionate about what you do – your job, business, charity or other passion – then perhaps you are not shining and feeling you are in your power.
Your woman isn’t just attracted to how you look or even how much you love her but also to how aligned you are with your mission.
She might support you for a while, but if her dedication to her purpose is stronger than yours, then your polarity and attraction will be affected as she will be more in the masculine and you in the feminine.
What to do?
Have a good long talk… with yourself.
Ask yourself if you are really passionate about what you do in your job or business.
Is it time to ask for a transfer, find a new job, start a new business or pivot your existing one?
Yes it might be challenging or even risky, there might be a transition time, but can you see how you will be a better partner, lover and parent once you do what you love?
Is there a “oneday someday” dream that you keep putting off?
Identify the male friends who are passionate about what they do and ask for their opinion.
Maybe you can’t make a professional change.
In that case, consider engaging in new hobbies you are deeply passionate about or volunteer your time to support others.
The main thing is – find passion and purpose in whatever you do.
Reason #5 – Does she have issues that are hurting her libido?
Maybe it’s not about you at all.
Is she stressed out at work or at home? That would hurt her libido and arousal.
She might have pain and discomfort during sex that she hasn’t told you about.
She might have body image, sex, orgasm, or intimacy issues because of her upbringing or something that happened in her past.
What to do?
If she’s stressed out, ask her how you can support her, take some of her workload, or hire someone to help.
To help her relax, book her a sauna and massage, or give her one yourself.
Make sure she knows that you’re not doing this just to get sex.
If you suspect she might have some sexual issues, tell her that you’ve heard through the #metoo movement that many women have had bad sexual experiences and ask her if she did as well.
Suggest her to read books about sexual empowerment. One such book is “Orgasm Unleashed – Your guide to Pleasure, Healing and Power”, which was endorsed by female sexuality educators and described by one of them as ‘the best orgasm guide for women”. It teaches a woman how to become deeply orgasmic by herself, and later share that with her partner. Download a free sample or get the gorgeous paperback here.
Also consider suggesting her to see a counselor or therapist.
Everyone can benefit from professional guidance even if they don’t have major issues.
Sometimes we just want to share what’s on our hearts and be heard.
If your woman doesn’t want to have sex with you, there’s many things you can do.
Try some of these suggestions and share your questions and progress in the “sexual empowerment for men” FB group, where you will also receive free coaching and be part of a vibrant community of brothers on this journey. Join the group here.