Around early-mid 2016 I interviewed Matt Schwenteck of www.uniquetantra.com who is a sexual healer and an educator. We go quite deep into sexual healing, Anal de-armouring. The dynamics of giving and receiving pleasure and Matt also shares some his personal challenges related to this line of work. It is really a deep conversation not just for sexual healers, but for everybody who is interested in sexuality and in growth.
We talked about what his job entails, Liquid Light Transmission, finding deeper pleasure, why men are afraid of de-armoring. We also talked about what in the past that motivates him to be a sexual educator when he actually decided to start charging for his gifts for his sessions, what is a Conscious Lover, and much more.
Find the full transcript below:
Matt: My entire body completely collapsed, my nervous system collapsed. I could not eat, could not sleep, and got really depressed, just lost 10 kilos. Every thought of sex was just completely disgusting, I did not want to have anything to do with sex and found myself on a balcony wanted just to kill myself……..
Eyal: Welcome to “Unleash your Full Potential Podcast” with me Eyal Matsliah. Today’s episode is an interview with Mat Schwenteck who is a sexual healer and an educator. We go quite deep into sexual healing, Anal de-armouring. The dynamics of giving and receiving pleasure and Mat also shares some his personal challenges related to this line of work. It is really a deep conversation not just for sexual healers, but for everybody who is interested in sexuality and in growth. So enjoy the episode.
Eyal: Matthias Schwenteck welcome to the “Intimate Power Podcast”.
Matt: Thank you very much for having me.
Eyal: So tell us a little bit what you do?
Matt: I am a Sexual voice broker, I am a facilitator for workshops,**01:18** let’s say good sexuality, for touch, for consent. **01:22** Caly Party facilitator since last summer. I am travelling around the world offering my work around touch, the art of loving touch, and “One on One” empowerment sessions for women, men and couples.
Eyal: So, that is quite a lot! Knowing it is like very important work. As a fellow practitioner it is like I understand some of those things, but which one of those are you most kind of passionate about? Like If you could pick one and do specifically that for a few months. What would you do?[2:03]
Matt: That is a good question. You know, in the deepest core of that, what is resonating with me I have started a couple of years ago was a specific topic that causes the liquid light transmission. And the liquid light transmission is something between lovers in the moment when we are just engaging in Tantric Love making, when we are just entering the orgasmic field where we’re dissolving into this place of unity consciousness of oneness and where something like liquid light between lovers starts to emerge in our fields. So we are coming this field of liquid light and this is where my deepest passion actually is , came from love making, was the part in my head, and that was my deepest call, my deepest longing, this is what I would like that everybody can find for themselves this is where my passion is.
Eyal: So how does that feel this liquid light thing? Sounds interesting!!
Matt: It sounds interesting! It is interesting. It is specifically when we are just going further then reproductive sex that normally **03:03** through **03:16** ends under what reaches 7.5 minutes, what normally happens with the orgasm of the man, the ejaculation. When we are just actually mastering this ejaculatory choice, this place of point of no return and can just like relax and expand in our energy field, there is something specifically happening in the woman’s body when we maintain our erection when we maintain our sexual energy, where the woman goes through her cervix or through her womb into an altered state of consciousness into multi orgasmic state of expansion, so she is opening up in the first place into this state of unity consciousness and something happens in our nervous system, in our pineal gland [4:00] that is releasing D.M.T what feels like a place of liquid light so this how I would describe that, and that happens through relaxation and enough time of engagement.
Eyal: How does that feel in your body as a man this liquid light thing?
Matt: It starts- That is an interesting question! – Where does it start? Somewhere in the genitals around the prostate, it is similar like a spike in the nervous system, which feels like a pee reflex. And is a similar sensation as if you were entering the point of no return as if you just start to ejaculate or when the orgasm starts to happen. The normal response from the nervous system is just like Ok “I am ready to release” Then comes an impulse from the brain as a spasm reflex in the genitals and it gives this kind of pumping and we ejaculate and this is something that is releasing all the neurotransmitters in the brain. But by relaxing into this ejaculatory choice just like to breathe and to relax into this pee reflex, what happens is like a spike, or the orgasmic response that happens like a spike it is kind of….. I call it like a spark. And the spark itself that has a specific quality of expansion and that starts to expend in every part of the body. Every part of the body starts to firing up and the heart opens up, the brain starts to get fired up and it is a beautiful state of ecstasy to be in. There is a wonderful work experience to that for some matter
Eyal: How is it possible for man to go beyond the seven and half minutes and experience that?
Matt: I had an interesting conversation the other day with a man who said [6:00] himself that he was not a Tantric practitioner; he was a martial art practitioner in his early twenties. But he was completely tantric and he had no idea about tantra. He was telling me when he was studying Martial Arts in his twenties that his teacher was telling him: “You just have to learn to relax your anus do not clench your ass”. That is one of the main things to learn… when we are just coming to this place where we want to maintain our love making when you do not want to jump into this place of orgasm, that we don’t go into this voluntary clenching and squeezing of our anus because it is the same impulse that the nervous system and our body has when we ejaculate, that is the key how to master that, how to master that choice.
Eyal: Any other tips, techniques, ideas how a man can last longer?
Matt: In the first place it’s really stop this clenching thing, stop this contraction and finally replace how does the body relax, how does the body find its place of completely opening up with this expansion, it’s like most man, and I was just one of them for more than 10 years, just like running through life and having this clench in my pelvic floor in my anus and that I had no idea it was actually super tight super tense, how to relax that is the specific form of external de-armouring in the genital area, the pelvic floor the anus the prostate and kind of just like coming into this place where we are just opening up and going deeper into our tissue in the genital area and the entire body to just releasing tension that is asking for this release of this contraction that we are carrying and relaxing into [8:04] this place of this tension that we are carrying, opening slowly up and learning how to breathe relax and expand and then just like finding this deep place of relaxation in our tissue. For some men it needs some work, really external de-armoring work.
Eyal: For those who are not sure what that means. What does external de-armouring means?
Matt: It is a specific way of body work. And this is about going into deeper layers of the tissue, into the muscular tissue and finds different areas of the body that is storing energy in form of contraction through shame, through guilt, through fear that we are carrying on our nervous system. It is a specific practice that causes Tantric de-armouring, where we are going into the genital area, where we are going into the pelvic floor, the anus and the prostate all the different areas in the rectum, around the pubic bone to releasing this tension and allowing the nervous system to relax in a deeper form of expansion when it comes into this high level of pleasure
Eyal: So this is something that the man would receive from somebody else I am guessing?
Matt: That’s right! A man can receive that from a woman, a female practitioner, the male practitioner. Man can do a lot for themselves. What is Internal work in the anus, sitting on a tennis ball and releasing different areas just going for external deep body work, it is very supportive of the body.
Eyal: So, you know, our listeners are quite open-minded. I have to say that I received anal de-armouring as well. [10:00] But some people would say, “Am I not gay if I do this?” What would you say?
Matt: Yeah!!. It is an interesting topic for most men, when they hear about anal-dearmouring, they are just becoming afraid of becoming gay. Because the anus is a specific taboo zone, and most men are carrying a lot of shame and guilt around the anus. **10:23** their nerves is just too related to fear and is actually really contracted and really clenched. But the anus itself has specific nerves that come through the spine, that’s the so-called Pudenda Nerve that goes in different branches around the anus, it goes into the sacrum it goes into the penis and it’s the same nerve that gives information as pleasure into the brain. So in the anus itself it’s just another universe of pleasure related to sexual energy that does not make the man gay when he feels pleasure in the anus. But specifically this feeling of pleasure related to the anus this is for most men it is a no go it does not exist. But in the moment when this is opening up it changes something in the complete perception of sexual energy and pleasure in the man.
Eyal: What would be a step toward going there? Say if somebody is listening and they are interested but they are willing to have even a woman put a finger in their ass. So what would be something as a beginner step, as an intermediate step that they can do?
Matt: So it is an Interesting question. So for men to release and relax into their anus in the very beginning. The first important step is to find pleasure in your genitals first, arouse yourself have an erection. Feel good in your sexual energy in the moment and then use something, just like maybe your finger in the first place, and start just like a very gentle and careful massage [12:00] around your anus and the entire pelvic floor and something that does not stretch the anus in the beginning too much. Just like is kind be gentle to yourself. Find different spots that allow you to feel pleasure, and from there you can go deeper in finding maybe spot that is painful and this painful spot this is something ** 12:25** that we ultimately try to avoid. But in the moment when we are finding them for ourselves we see that these are spots they are calling for a release, they are calling for liberation. An interesting thing about de-armouring we cannot de-armour ourselves, because de-armouring is actually a practice of allowing ourselves to see a defense mechanism that we have. So that we would feel for ourselves when we are just going internally or externally it is a complete different story as somebody else is touching us. And building a trust and safety enough to allow somebody to go to this place that allows the nervous system to release a lot of tension a lot of stress a lot fear, shame and guilt and all kind of stored emotions related specifically to the anus.
Eyal: And this is something that a man should receive regularly or you get a few de-armouring sessions and then you are good for life?
Matt: As soon as you just find deeper pleasure in your pelvic area, in your anus or in your rectum then nobody has to do anything. It is just to finding the release, and as soon as the release in this area has happened most men will recognize a much deeper way of liberation of relaxation in finding deeper layer of pleasure in love making and much more expansion [14:03] on the ejaculatory choice so the point of no return kind of is not an enemy anymore we have to fight or try to get away from because we can just simply relax into that and no man ever has to be penetrated in their anus from a woman or from another man. It just means that we can relax in love making because we do not have to clench anymore. But when we start to enjoy it and we start to find deeper layers of pleasure and ecstasy in our body related to our anus then we might choose to just like include our anus in our love making and our reflexes **14:36** and that is completely utterly free to each and everybody.
Eyal: I realized that we went so to speak very deep. How old are you?
Eyal: You are 47. You are looking good Matt man.
Matt: Thank you!!
Eyal: I was like **14:59**. How come you find yourself here as a sexual educator? What did you do in your past? What did you do that lead you here?
Matt: Hum!! Good question. So my path is almost 20 years ago or started almost 20 years ago I was in the age 29 something. My understanding of being a multi orgasmic man was like I can ejaculate as much as I want, and I had one of these experience where I did that, where I experienced that I could ejaculate in the night about 10 to 12 times as something like that. I was out losing energy; I was out losing my erection. Kind of to a point where my entire nervous system my entire body collapsed at the end of 20. I found myself in a deep depression
Eyal: At age of 20 was it?
Eyal: 28!! Ok!!
Matt: Or 29 something like that. And my entire body completely collapsed, my nervous system collapsed. I could not eat, could not sleep, and got really depressed, just lost 10 kilos.[16:00] Every thought of sex was just completely disgusting, I did not want to have anything to do with sex and found myself on a balcony wanted just to kill myself. I had a complete breakdown and emotional breakdown started to cry and instead of jumping and killing myself I had a deep recognition of **16:18** find love for yourself and the word tantra. I did not know where the word tantra was coming from but I have heard it somewhere and that was a kind of a deep call to just go on that journey and since that I am dedicated. I completely gave my life to that and I just wanted to know everything that is around and then next morning I bought a book started to read and said ok: That’s me!! That’s me That’s me, and I said ok that is the path and this is what I want to walk in life. So I just went into different approach, for example The Neo Tantra, **16:58** through **17:24** I met Sashi and first these different facilitators from different teacher came along with the International School of Temple Art. Some of them were really resonating with me and some less and then I actually found that I just was really talented with my answer and educating people and showing them how I found it for myself. I started giving workshop with a very beautiful woman Helen Edwards *17:30** where we were combining tantra and shamanism and sacred sexuality. And then it starts to evolve people start to ask questions, people asked for sessions, people asked for deeper knowledge and it starts to evolve.
Eyal: And how was it in the beginning? Because one of the thing that I am promoting, talking about in my own work and in this podcast [18:00] it’s not just the idea of sexuality but the idea of expression, expressing your full potential, turning your gift into an offering for other people and also into an income stream. Where did you feel that you are ready good enough to work sessions?
Matt: That is a good question. I think we never get ready. I have done hundreds and hundreds of sessions since and before every session and before every workshop, everything that is happening I just drop it into a deeper place where actually I have to admit that I do not know anything. And whenever I just want to provide something where I think is a good thing for other people to know I actually step into a very arrogant place where I have to assume what is the right thing for others. But in the moment when I am just allowing myself to feel my vulnerable space I let everything occur as it needs to come for the best outcome for the person who is showing up then everything is provided that needs to happen. So the vulnerability, the insecurity before a session, before a workshop, before an introduction, anything else, in a festival ** 19:16** through **19:26** it’s to snatch on and becomes more, to meant that it is my ally, this is a part of my own self development in deeper layers of vulnerability and the unknown.
Eyal: If you do not mind, I really want to get that. Get something there which is, you studied, you went through workshop, you went through a student. When did you decide to become a practitioner?. Because I think there is a divide because many people during day time are going to work. Many people are going to workshops, reading books, following pictures and having you know private culture events and you know. When did you actually realize that you want to be a practitioner, [20:01] when did you actually decide to start charging for your gifts for your sessions and why?
Matt: It is an interesting question and topic. Remember that I had a quite ordinary life, like everybody has. They have a life like an ordinary life. You just have your place, you just live your life, you have your job, and you have your nine to five kind of thing more or less. I started to getting invited from friend and teacher just to co-facilitate workshops and it was known that I was into the tantric field since almost 10 years this time and he asked me to co-facilitate in his workshop and I recognized that I was really good in that what I was doing just like showing people through massage and sexual engagement. Showing people through massage and sexual engagement that I was capable of and easy capable of introducing people in that what I understood as this second…. **21:17** sexual energy into the expansion, into this joy, into this ecstatic multiple expansion of pleasure. That was sort of like fantastic and after the workshops there’s people that was just lining up and just wanted me to work with them and I just said yeah I can give because I have a gift, because I can… and everything for free. Then I came to this point and I was remember that I got completely exhausted and burned out and felt I do not want to do anything to anybody anymore. I am not interested in workshops in touching people and doing anything anymore. I am done and over it. [22:01] I felt that I was coming from a place that was completely empty. And then a friend said you know what: “this is time where you have to show up for yourself and you have to charge in an exchange because you give something in what is the exchange that is coming back, it is not enough that you see somebody completely happy and walking away and you do not have anything as an exchange, as an energy exchange there”. And that was a time when I say ok” I have a gift and I felt completely insecure how can I offer there? Because there is no book there is no education in there, there is no way like you are just becoming a Bachelor or you are becoming a Master and anything you just have to master yourself in the first place. I started to offer session in sexual initiation in this understanding of this ecstatic field that is how it started becoming a practitioner. So people said ok: “I have heard you just can do that and I just want to experience that. I have had my entire life bad sex, what is that Tantra thing about? What is that energy that is happening in there?” And I had book sessions
Eyal: What does Sexual Initiation mean?
Matt: Well it can be anything. It can be whatever people came for. Some people just need an initiation specifically man they just want to master the ejaculatory choice. Just how can I maintain my sexual energy? How can I reabsorb the sexual energy in my body? That might be an initiation into themselves just like in the first place do a detox to their body. Finding deeper layers of sexual pleasure for themselves.[24:00] And It might mean just getting off home and just feeding the sexual energy just for a while in your body without giving it and finding a different approach of sexual energy then that what we know. For women many women just only know sexual energy in the form of as a stress relief, the sleeping pill on the clit before they fall to sleep, or using a vibrator, or they just like never had an orgasm their entire life. Kind of showing that there is a different ecstatic universe and that how we are imprinted above our sexual energy what actually is possible and just taking layer of layer of layer away that people find into their own truth how to express how to express their sexual joy or their sexual pleasure.
Eyal: Humm! Waow!! So how we talked a little bit about women, sorry about men. How could women get to this state, to this ecstatic multiple extensive states?
Matt: I was just recently interviewed by a lady about that who just came to a session just before and she started just like an incredible movement 21 days cervix activation and pleasure activation. And that has been just like going around the world in different groups and there was a couple of thousands people and all of a sudden people recognizing me on the streets: ” I had seen you on this interview” So the main thing what I am starting to say in there is that just for a certain a period of time -and that is 3 weeks nearly- what the nervous system actually needs to reboot, to get off an addictive behavior. When women stop using the clitoral stimulation of the [26:00] gland of the clit as a stress relief and just let maintaining the sexual energy the neuro chemistry to detox to liberate and purify the sexual energy, something is happening in their nervous system in their physical body. And sexual pleasure is not only focused on this little spot as the clit it’s much more in an expansion internally of the vagina. Finding deeper layer around the G Spot, finding different areas as well along the anus and then at the end finding the deepest core of sexual activation what is the womb and the cervix what is in the nervous system related to the Vagus nerve, the deepest core of the para-sympathetic nervous system When that is done to get activated even by a conscious touch with the hands or **26:54**. Or was the conscious lover was capable of keeping this connection that is opening up something in the woman’s body that is far beyond any kind of sexual limitation that is based on the clitoral peek orgasm that is just the stress relief approach.
Eyal: You mentioned conscious lover. What is that?
Matt: Conscious Lover… First of all I would say that two people who found themselves, wearing connections within themselves to this life force energy, to sexual energy having a connection to nature, to life. Having life as the first lover, having an inner connection to their polarity as a second lover and then being capable of completely share without having any attachment or also having any goal in sexual love making from their partner [28:01] and that is already a deep layer of connection that is happening that is based on presence on connection, and having layers of consent and finding trust and safety with each other without needing the other person to feed something within themselves that they have not found. It is a deep layer of you are being committed to themselves and being committed to somebody else to go on a deeper journey without attachment.
Eyal: And how can a man, what does a man need to do – I am a very practical person- And also for me it is like ok: Give me the overstatement. Probably it would take. What are some things that the man needs to stop doing to become a more conscious lover?
Matt: In the first place i would recommend for man really become aware of sexual addictions. I think that is in our day to day lives in our society where we live in one of the biggest growing diseases is porno internet addiction. What that is creating is in the first place is a very deep disconnection trough their body and in a deeper place to women. Erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation is one of the quickest growing misalignments that many men carry. **29:44**You kind of have getting off this addiction of porn getting off this addiction of constant ejaculatory repetitive pattern on a daily or every second basis, starting to finding deeper layers of pleasure.[30:01] Finding deeper layers of pleasure within themselves. And Intimacy with sexuality without getting off the body or the need to getting off the body. And that is a good first step to start with. And the first obstacle in their is most men finding a place of as soon as the body starts to reabsorb that sexual energy in the body it is a syndrome that cause the blue balls syndrome where many men are suffering from this massive pain in their balls in their testicles from this over production of sperm and fluid and this is one of the biggest secrets actually to release that. Because this is where most men go back to ejaculation or they go back to orgasm, and they say ok, ok that is not working for me, I just go back. I will just do something that works. Or man goes through phase of erectile dysfunction and then they recognize ok but I remember porn was working for me to get hot.
Eyal: So, so, sorry to interrupt you. So they start to practice those not forthcoming and suddenly they would have erectile dysfunction.
Matt: Yes, ok. Or premature ejaculation and all the dysfunction is coming up. Just being impatient and as well having a partner to be transparent with thus making this shift into another dimensional sexual engagement, having transparent opened communication of partners very supportive.
Eyal: Ok Well! One of the things that I really appreciate that I received from you. For years after I received it from Easter I really enjoyed the session that I attended I think it was in Berlin and another session that I attended in England so that was the subject of the wheel of consent. So maybe you want to tell us a little bit what is the wheel of consent? [32:00]
Matt: Yeah!! The wheel of consent is a product from a friend mental teacher Betty Martin it is a beautiful lady from Seattle. And the wheel of concern is something I **32:17** came across almost 5 years ago something like that. That has been changing my life already because I was aware **32:24** of inner intuition when something is not really right and you cannot really put your finger onto that and you do not know where is the misalignment. And that was already recognition of a truth that I had intuitively in my nervous system but all of a sudden I could just communicate that. That is a profound thing as well to integrate shadows on our nervous system as a bypassing mechanism when we cannot ask for what we want when we cannot say no and doing different stuff to just like goes there where we want to go. So the wheel of consent is a very simple structure that goes very deep into our nervous system, into our physicality and into our spirituality and in our emotional body. And that comes from two very simple questions. And the first question is: What I want somebody else’s doing to me? Is anybody else different? And then the question: What do I want to somebody else? And that is with: Is everybody else different? As well. And these two questions that are creating the four quadrants of the wheel of consent and the deepest part of engagement in the wheel is actually related to this specific thing of reaching out and doing and receiving. And reaching out and [34:00] doing and receiving what is related to that question: What I want to do to somebody else not for them but for myself? It is a healthy selfishness in that it is a healthy way of receiving that is so old it feels ancient and it is so old that it is related to our nervous system as an infant reaching out for our care giver. It goes so deep back in our nervous system related to oxytocin, how we have created our social engagement and being safe with others.
Eyal: Can you give an example, what does it really mean actually to be doing and receiving. It sounds a little bit like a paradox?
Matt: It is completely paradox. Most people have in their nervous system on their understanding a very clear approach that doing is related with giving. So giving a massage, but giving a massage might feel pleasurable as well we can receive when we give something. But the intention is in its rawness in its purity, how can we be completely connected to ourselves and doing something that feels only good for us. And doing and receiving what in the wheel of consent is called taking is very much related. When we are touching something in the first place….. I will just use something here on my hand to give you an example. This is something that man can start to find for themselves, how can you touch something – it does not matter what it is- How can you touch something while you are doing, my hand is doing,
But as well receive that pleasure. Because I am not giving to my phone,[36:04] my phone simply does not care. But this pleasure what I feel on my finger tips that is travelling from my finger tinger tips through my arm through my brain is literally in my nervous system receiving.
Eyal: For those who cannot see us Matt is touching an I-Phone in the most erotic sensual way I have ever seen. But what he is actually doing is creating sensations that he feels with his fingers. So what you are saying is that your fingers are feeling the sensations so you are actually receiving?
Matt: Right!! So I do and I receive so I take pleasure from an object. But when I just bring that to an engagement with a partner with somebody else it is just like how can I touch my partner in the first place for myself. And when I just find that for myself what pleasure is for myself not **36:56**unalleged to my fingertips but through my entire body and I have asked my partner for consent: May I fill you up ? May I touch you? And my partner **37:05** knows what is coming. And I enjoy myself on my partner she will most likely feel the same pleasure as a feedback loop in the nervous system and that itself creates an enormous way of sensuality and sexuality and engagement because it creates safety it creates connection.
Eyal: Why it is abusive? I know it is not. But some people might ask. It is like you are having sex, you are making love with somebody, you are having a sacred connection with somebody but you touch her for yourself. How is that good?
Matt: Because when actually you touch somebody for yourself, this somebody what is our lover in the best place has given consent, they know what is coming they are trusting us[38:02]. They actually love to be touched, they love to feel our own integrity and our own connection that we are having in our first place to our body. Because in the same moment when we feel ourselves, they can feel themselves. They can feel as feeling ourselves and feeling them so we are creating actually a deep layer of connection. And it is not abusive because, the consent is actually creating this level of engagement that allows the other person to go in a deeper layer of surrender a deeper layer of ecstasy.
Eyal: I think that the Wheel of Consent is a really good structure. We will have this in the show notes under the video. For me what I really like about it, it brings me to consciousness, something which is very much hidden, So men and women many times we touch each other and we enjoy the touch. Yes it is really nice to pleasure the other but sometimes we want to pleasure ourselves with a touch. A really nice experience that I had at your workshop in Berlin is that I asked a woman to touch her breast and I said I want to touch it for my pleasure, because as I said I am a sexual practitioner. And usually when I give sessions I need to do this for the service of my client. **39:39** through **39:48**. And she said that she really enjoyed because she felt like she was giving.
Matt: She is actually giving, that is the beauty in that, and she is passively giving. I just would like to say something on this note as about I remember [40:00] we had this question as well: What makes a better lover and I would like to just make the transition directly into this question: What makes a better lover? You know when two people actually totally connected to their own pleasure by touching. It just becomes a kind of a dance in the engagement. It becomes a dance of two bodies finding pleasure for themselves and feeding the other at the same time, feeling where they are it. And one can expend that form our hands when touch normally happens in the first place, to our skin, to our entire body and including our genitals in there. It just gives this specific quality, just imagine that you can feel the same amount of pleasure on your penis when you internally of a woman’s vagina and you are pleasuring yourself in this very gentle, careful, loving, sensual, sexual way into this place of ecstasy. Because the same pleasure that happens in my body on my penis and my sensuality and my pleasure central that will most likely happening in her as well. And if she is doing the same thing, gentle, careful moving around a man’s penis and just pleasing her in her clitoris in her cervix in the sensuality this where this incredible merging into ecstasy is happening without any agenda, without any goal of going somewhere. The ecstatic expansion is just around the corner in the moment of the next sensation as a complete different universe of engagement.
Eyal: Whoa!! So actually by pleasuring ourselves consciously [42:00] not by taking it unconsciously, but by actually saying ok I am also pleasuring myself, so actually we are serving each other because if both partners are pleasuring themselves so both partners are having pleasure and also are sharing each other’s pleasure. It is not like one person is abusing another person.
Matt: No!! It is actually a neurological feedback loop based on safety and trust.
Eyal: So what would be the other parts of the quadrant?
Matt: The other parts of the quadrant is serving and accepting and I would say when we are lovers when we are engaging just our partner we are having connection a deep hard connection a deep loving connection we are actually most of the time taking from each other in the sensual, sexual way of integrity and surrender. Because this is where trust and safety is happening. So you are getting closer and finding each other deeper. The other part of serving and accepting becomes more and more secondary. Because if my partner wants me to do something for her then is just her job to ask me for it, I am not serving her I am not pleasing anymore doing something to her. What I guess or assume **43:32** right thing. Or she is not doing anything to me that she might think is a good thing for me. It might happen but most of the time it is my job to ask for it or it is her job to ask for that. And in session work as a practitioner in the bigger picture in the bigger frame I am offering a service, this service can be anything, it can be a massage it can be counseling it can be de-armouring, it can be a pleasure or orgasmic teaching.[44:01] That is the bigger pack of the service. But in there in this bigger pack of service it very much depends on the client who is coming. What are their intentions? What do they need to experience? What do they need to get in all of that session to grow in their own way into a deeper intimacy with their sexuality? So it can be anything a client is coming up with to have a specific service, but it is my responsibility in there as a practitioner to keep my boundaries. And that is an important piece specifically as a practitioner just like being aware of how far can we go with whom and what are we willing and capable of serving. I cannot serve anybody in the same way. There are different things I cannot provide.
Eyal: Can you give examples?
Matt: Yeah!! For example if a man would just like come and would ask me for intercourse, just initiating him anally, that would be something I definitely would not provide. If a woman would come and ask me for intercourse with penetration that is something I definitely not provide. I am not providing exchange of body fluids in my sessions. I am definitely not becoming lover with the client. So my service and my engagement is limited in its approach.
Eyal: Why is that? I am not saying that it is right or wrong but there are some practitioners who are having sex with their clients and there some who don’t. So why is it that for you?
Matt: I practiced that at the very beginning of my practice,[46:02] I was offering intercourse, and I had that approximately three times. I remember that my entire being, my soul was just like included in this interaction and my heart was opening up and part of that and all of a sudden I just go out of this engagement I just received money for that, I was completely confused in my existence at that time, I felt like I was prostituting myself in a way where I could not relate and that was something that did not feel right to me. But I had a few more kind of regrets to go there then I just recognized that something was closing down on me and I could not maintain an erection in there, because there was no connection I felt like a mechanic engagement so I had to take erection pills and to relax enough I had to just like take marijuana I felt like this is completely out of the frame. I just had my experience there, I just did that three times and said that this is not right this is not serving love and that is not serving sacred sexuality so I dropped that and I had to find back into my own expression to my own way of providing that service that I am having. I am not saying that is wrong or it is bad, it just simply is not working for me and an important piece specifically for male or female practitioner is like in session work when you provide this as service is to become authentically clear where do we feed our own lack of intimacy [48:01] through other’s sensations and be really clear and honest and making clear distinction for whom is it for when we do that? Somebody is coming asking for a specific service can we offer that service to everybody? Or do we have to differentiate that we cannot offer that service because **48:24** we don’t have attractions for somebody. Kind of finding different layers of engagement and truth and authenticity in ourselves as vital piece of engagement.
Eyal: what would be some of the shadows in the wheel of consent?
Matt: Humm!! The shadows or the shadow work is just the loved and the hated ones. So there is the shadows work is let’s say when people engage we are all having an agreement. The shadow work is more related to something that one person is not agreeing to. So for example if you asked me if you can just have my tea my cup of tea and just finish it and drinking it and I say, hum!! Do I want to give that? I of course like you please have it just drink it all. You just take the cup of tea and you drink the tea and you just enjoy it and then I was just like I am happy because you just enjoy it. I gave you my tea without doing anything and everything would be alright everything would be ok. But in the moment where you would not ask and just take the cup of tea and just drink it and empty it and just put it back with the knowing it is my cup [50:01] and you do not care If I wanted to give it or not, you would actually come from a shadow, you would actually steal even if it is just a cup of tea. However it would not be in alignment with our interaction. I would just wonder myself: What is he actually doing? Why is he doing that? You would be in the shadow where you would steal or you just take something without an agreement without consent. If I am aware that I would just ask: What is going on there? So he is taking something from me that I was not willing to give I have not been asked for, so I would put myself in a place of feeling violated in my space, victimized. I would actually just ask myself: Why has he asked for something?
Eyal: Which part is it relating to in the Wheel of Consent?
Matt: It is relating in The Wheel of Concern to taking and allowing. That is the most difficult way of engaging. And an interesting thing in the shadows is that the shadows itself they are never coming on one alone. The shadows are always coming in a pair. If one shadow is coming on one side, there is most of the time another shadow involved on the other side. So the interesting is that the wheel is not about avoiding shadows, the wheel is not about creating only the engagement related to consent and having a good life through the rest of our days because that would be completely boring. So the question is each and every one of us has specific avoiding strategies and behavior to engage in a certain way on a different way. And these avoidance strategies they are related to misalignment how we are trying to avoid the connection.[52:03] Because on the first place when the connection happened it was not safe to say it or it was not safe to do it so we created different patterns. And this pattern is a huge potential to look for the shadows into what else is actually possible? How deep can our potential go? So a shadow is nothing that is wrong or bad. That is an indicator for something where we can learn about ourselves and others. And in the moment when we are finding something we are not really happy with to show that, we are kind of feel embarrassment, feeling of shame guilt we feel kind of awkward and all this stuff is coming up and we can just consciously allow ourselves to express that. We are giving ourselves gratitude and acknowledgment and appreciation that we had to create on the first place a different pattern of behavior then we can actually grow through our shadows.
Eyal: Can you give an example?
Matt: An example. We had just a couple of minutes ago this conversation in the kitchen where our beautiful person was sitting over there where we just had a sexual conversation. **53:26** through **53:42 ** When people are allowed to just speak about an experience that they have about sexuality because they just feel shame about it. In the moment when you just actually trust and believe your shame that you are not ok to talk about experience, then you are just in the shadow. So you are just hooked by your own behavior. But in the moment you say: oh my God!! I am feeling completely embarrassed to say that right now, but it’s dude… anyway because I need to feel that.[54:01] I need to feel ok… when I always talk about sexuality about my anus when I talk about this and that I feel really embarrassed, so enjoy that and just celebrate you. Because you are the one who is creating the safety that you need to express what you are **54:20**. And this is like a clear way of engaging with shadows.
Eyal: What would some challenges that you are still challenged by in love making, in your work as a practitioner?
Matt: Yeah!! I think one of the most challenges is creating intimacy with a partner as a lover. I am travelling quite a lot and engaging with a person really deep and going really deep on a journey is quite a challenge because having somebody to travel with is not easy. It is not an easy task. Being for a couple of weeks or a couple of months in a certain way and start to engage with somebody and knowing that I am getting all of the connections, it is something that is really deep challenge. It is kind of I engaged to a certain and then I disengaged to a certain degree but a part of myself stays there. And the biggest challenge is just like having somebody in my life who is just completely supporting and loving that what I am doing, having their own lives next to me or just creating a life together that is just based on this passion and purpose that we are going to bring onto the world, sometimes it is quite a long journey.
Eyal: why do you actually travel from place to place? Why do not you stay in one place? Just wondering?[56:00]
Matt: It is very much related to being in one place is good thing established and offering the work and having the community or the people in your city just like knowing what you are doing, and sometimes people travelling a long distance coming there where a good practitioner is ?. But specifically in this field as facilitator and educator we are getting invited, we are getting invited all the time into Tantra Festival**56:30** Sweden to Estonia. And then we are having invitation to Hong Kong, Invitation to Melbourne. You are just offered workshop over your work. All of a sudden in life some things becomes decentralized. So you recognize it is not worth that you are having a place somewhere because you are never home. It is not necessary to have a car because you do not drive you **57:01** through **57:05** and then just on a certain degree you recognize just that I will just do it for a while. I’s just like selling everything that is giving all the problem and follow the invitation from one place to another and living and practicing that, creating, and living on the **57:24** around the world where ever we are and be there for a while and follow the next invitation. It might be enjoying for a while.
Eyal: So you have been doing this for a while? What is something that you are curious about? What is something that you want to learn, that you want to go into it? That you are really excited about.. Learning or doing?
Matt: it’s not much left (laugh) [58:00]
Eyal: It doesn’t have to be in the sexual field. Other interest… Like I am not just a sacred practitioner I am doing other things to.
Matt: I love DJ.
Matt: I am super super interested in finding a good place in nature. This merging with nature, finding a deep layer of integration of this body into the earth, just connecting this body. Feeling this earth trough y body in different places of the world **58:43** it’s just to merge deeper source, energy that we are all carrying, finding it as well. Something with passion.
Eyal: So you mentioned Tandra. What this Tandra means for you?
Matt: it’s a really crazy press. I have no idea what Tandra is.
Eyal: For you? What it is for you?
Matt: I have no idea what it is for me anymore. What I found in this **59:19** 20 year ago that was very much related to my sexuality. And I have learned over many years of practicing and going into different rounds, and the definition of Tandra. The more I learned is what I told you Tandra is. But what I am really passionate and interested about is what this sexual aspect of Tandra is. I know there is many other aspects but I am specifically interested in the sexual aspect of Tandra. And as I said early is this specific way of how can we merge into sexual unity, in love making where sexual engagement become a meditation and a prayer **1:00:13** feels of infinity what they called liquid light transmission when that happens … it’s like the other side you can expand of Tandra and the nervous system. **1:00:26** there is a different **1:00:27** as three reactions. And at the end I just don’t know what is Tandra. And Tandra for me is just like this merge into a sexual engagement. True love, true connection. That’s how I would describe that. That’s my passion.
Eyal: What would be a typical day or a good day in your life? What are some daily habits if you have some daily habits? Morning things?
Matt: before get up, love making.
Eyal: So you open your eyes and start making love?
Matt: As long my body has that feeling I have to follow it. That’s a very beautiful expansion of this energy, that’s a natural engagement that is flowing. But I have a daily practice of own yoga, my own stretching team and that is very important to me. I never miss that.
Eyal: At what time you usually wake up?
Matt: 6 o’clock, and leave the bed at 8.
Eyal: So you wake up at 6 and you leave the bed at 8?
Matt: Sometimes (laugh) It can be later.
Eyal: So stretch, Yoga and?
Matt: yes Stretch, Yoga and I love this smoothie in the morning. Just taking care of my body it’s an important piece of the practice that I am doing [1:02:01]. So I just live as vegetarian **1:02:07** but avoid eating heavy foods, and unhealthy food. Mainly I can have a session a day or 2 sessions a day or those specific works that I am doing.
Matt: yeah. And it very much depends on the place where I am, in the environment where I am. On earth I am just engaging on what happens, just be here today or been invited **1:02:53** Just engaging naturally with people. Just being here, sharing, and offering my gift and living.
Eyal: Are there any other days **1:03:06** because I’m interested in the science of *1:03:12** the practice, of success. So what other things that you make us who we are and keep us who we are. So is there anything that you do or?
Matt: the mainly things is finding your own practice, finding you own root, whatever work for you. Everybody have to find their own **1:03:39 trough 1:03:47** what is changing the entire physiology and every part of the body and the nervous system its mastering the ejaculatory choice. It’s a completely game change [1:04:00] we vitalize the body it just open up of all different gate into spirit. You just speech on. Your body stays awake is like you are happy, you are vibrating. Be curious about life, be curious about different way of engaging. Leaning new stuff, be curious about life.
Eyal: If let say in 50 years from now you have the long life you going to die, everything that you have done like videos, books whatever has disappear what would be in3 things that you want to ask ? 3 very important things.
Matt: the first thing I would say is find pleasure in your hands. Finding back into the healthy expansion of receiving by doing. Ask for consent **1:05:19** included. That’s the foundation, the full system of engagement.
Eyal: So the first is finding pleasure in your hands. What will be the second?
Matt: Be honest and authentically true to your heart. Live what is love. Finding love. Feeling love.
Eyal: And the third one? Or the consent of the second one?
Matt: the first one is actually pretty consent.
Matt: that one is like the change and everything. The second one is completely authentic with your heart. Don’t compromise your heart. Live your heart.[1:06:01] And the this one is mastering the ejaculatory choice.
Eyal: OO Yeahh..
Matt: don’t miss that.
Eyal: yeah, we hear that man. So where do people can find more about you? Your website? Facebook?
Matt: Yeah, Facebook, Matthias Schwenteck
Eyal: Can you spell it?
Matt: M A T T H I A S. S C H W E N T E C K
Eyal: And your website?
Matt: The website is: www.uniquetantra.com
Eyal: And you are available for a session all over the world?
Matt: Yes I am, I am travelling all over the world. And we can see where we go from there.
Eyal: OK Matthias Schwenteck I really Thank you for coming here. I recognize you a thank you for your work and also for what you have shared with me and I wish you to keep sharing your gift. But for us to finish what do you consider as your intimate power?
Matt: my intimate power?
Eyal: Yes, your super power? Your secret power
Matt: is that first of the 3 things that I said, find that back in my hands, that is the secret of engagement, the secret of love, secret of my chose because it is my responsibility.
Eyal; Thank you very much and again Thank you.
Matt: Thank you very much for having me to help influencing a lot of people finding themselves.
Eyal: I hope you have enjoyed that episode. For the transcript of that episode as well as the showing note, people mentioned, and all the links are in Unleashyourfullpotential.info and find this specific episode. If you enjoyed it please consider leaving a review or sharing it with your friends. Every review help and this is the only way this life changing information will reach more people