She: I just gave my first paid yoni massage session
Me: That’s great. How many free sessions did you give prior to that ?
Me: where did you study to do that?
She: from life
Me: mmmmmm…… ok……..
This isn’t the first time i hear something like this.
A woman attended my general-audience weekend workshop last year and started offering “yoni massage” sessions the following week.
My colleagues share similar stories.
I also didn’t really “Study”.
Agama gave me some ideas during a 1 hour lecture, back in 2005.
But then i gave sessions to many many (many!) lovers during 4 (four!) years before my lovers started asking me to offer this as a paid service to other women.
I also attended workshops and got 1:1 tutoring from other professionals.
I then gave hundreds of hours of sessions charging very little before gradually raising my rates and expanding my services.
As much as i encourage people to “just do it”, I also believe a person needs a solid foundation and experience before offering such a service.
As a rule of thumb, i suggest people who have gone through training to offer at least 20 sessions before they start charging.
50 is even better.
For female practitioners i suggest receiving sessions from a few practitioners who work in different ways.
For both men and women i suggest private 1:1 tutoring from different practitioners. There’s no replacement for an experienced professional witnessing you work and reflecting to you where you can improve.
And if you didn’t already hear me say it, i am turned off by the term “yoni massage”. It’s not just a massage, and it’s not just about the yoni.
I have the same issues with any modality which names itself after a certain technique or body part, eg “sacred spot massage”, “yoni mapping”, “cervix activation” etc.
Some of these terms are used by people that i otherwise respect but i cringe when i hear these limiting definitions.
How you call your service isn’t the most important thing but still… it does create an expectation and a certain container for the session.
If the client think they are coming for a “massage”, or to have their g-spot stimulated, both of you will have an unconscious or conscious tendency to go there.
I literally have clients coming for a session expecting to experience “a g-spot orgasm, a cervical orgasm and female ejaculation”. I usually turn such clients away.
I stopped calling what i do “yoni massage” back in 2011.
I’ve been calling it “the goddess awakening session” or “holistic sexual healing” or “orgasm coaching” which are general enough for me to include a range of modalities and options.
When a client inquires about a session, i make it very clear that i don’t promise any kind of technique or result.
This is not “five orgasms or your money back guarantee”.
This is not a pizza where you can order with olives or with pepperoni.
This is a delicate and powerful service with the potential to change people’s lives.
Sometimes i don’t touch clients bodies or don’t touch their genitals.
There is so much to be done with sexual healing and empowerment before and apart from genital touch.
When i stopped including yoni massage in every session by default, the quality of my sessions improved, client’s experience became deeper and it was easier for them to integrate the benefits into their life.
Over the years, instead of pleasuring my clients, i increasingly guide clients in touching themselves and I bring awareness to what they are doing which is dissipating their sexual energy and natural expression. Thus, it’s not about doing new things but about letting go of what you’ve been doing that doesn’t serve you.
The more experience i got i realized that the less i do, the better. Presence, gentle touch and loving guidance are some of the most powerful “techniques” that i use.
When the client walks out of the door, they know that it’s not me who used my “magic fingers” to give them a peak experience that they can have only with me.
Instead, they get EMPOWERED to do it themselves.
Receiving a “yoni massage” isn’t necessarily bad.
I know i facilitated some transformational experiences when i was still focused on “yoni massage” and i heard similar stories from other practitioners and their clients.
I agree that touch is medicinal and even “technical” massage of the yoni, done with consent and sensitivity, can heal.
But this is just ONE thing that you can do in a sexual healing session.
It’s important that sexual practitioners study a few modalities of sexual healing such as tantric bodywork, role playing, verbal counseling, NLP, energy work, de-armoring, mapping, breath-work, wheel of consent and others.
It’s important that beyond the techniques and modalities, they learn to feel, sense and intuit what’s happening with the client underneath what the client is expressing and asking for.
And it’s crucial that new practitioners, after adequate studies, get a lot (a LOT!) of hands-on experience, supervised sessions and personal guidance before calling themselves practitioners and before charging for such a meaningful service.
Sexual healing services are becoming more and more main-stream.
The world needs us.
Let’s make sure we show up as knowledgable, experienced, professional, practitioners.
I’ve originally shared this on FB and the there’s a lively discussion there. join the discussion on my FB wall.