Recently i was interviewed by my friend and colleague Shashi Solluna from Live Tantra about my book “Orgasm Unleashed: Your guide to pleasure, healing and power“.
Here is a full transcript:
Shashi: I’m really excited today I’m hanging out with Eyal Matsliah and he is the author of Orgasm Unleashed. The word has been waiting for “Orgasm Unleashed: Your guide to pleasure healing and power”. So you’re a bit of master of female orgasm is that right? How did you learn about female orgasm?
Eyal: The first thing to say is I’m just learning. Anybody who says he is a master of anything feminine is just getting… I know little bit and I was a bit of a geek, and I still am a little bit of a geek, and I tried to get out of that, and I was like ok let’s figure out this women thing. I always loved women from an early age and I played doctor and everything and I just started learning, I went to Tantra school 10 years ago over here in Agama, and my life changed and I decided to really experiment and it’s time to have sex and as a beginning practitioner, I had to stop all the time during sex, I had to pull out and had to be doing something else and was using my hands and my mouth and it became such a pleasure to give pleasure to somebody else and to me it was something like, you‘re young scientist seeing what you do and how people react. I think it’s very important to have a masculine approach to guide women, because me I say they are all over the place it sounds bad, but they are all over the place, and it’s beautiful but what I present is a very structured approach.
S: So what should a women do, so a woman who has perhaps never had an orgasm, how does she even begin?
E: The first thing is to understand it solutions comes from you. So many women have this idea or this attitude that they need a man to save them, or they need the practitioner to save them, or the workshop to save them, the solution is always outside. Somebody do the work for me. What I suggest is that you need to do your own work, and it starts with self pleasuring. If somebody asked me the one advice I would give, this is the first one and really self-pleasuring and self loving, not just masturbating. In the same way that men jerk off, women clit off, just give themselves this really short, sharp peak of clitoral orgasm. And its not bad, you know God still loves you if you have a clitoral orgasm, it’s not a sin, but it’s a little bit disempowering.
S: So what else can she have, what else is available apart from a clitoral orgasm.
E: When a women started exploring internally, she realizes there’s a whole word in there, so first of all inside the vagina, and even you know what before even inside, she can have amazing experiences all over her body so women can have it throat orgasm, a nipple orgasm, skin orgasm in many different kinds of orgasm and it’s all about attitudes, so I believe in the attitudes to recognize every small wave of pleasure as a mini orgasm, because many people are aiming for something they think they should be like that, that I should be shouting and screaming like the the woman I saw on porn, but when you recognize every convulsion, goosebump, all pleasure and viganal contractions, everything is mini orgasms you can take those and expand those.
S: I love it that’s great that’s great advice, so if a woman maybe she’s been brought up with lot of guilt and shame around pleasure, so how does she get over that?
E: That’s again there is whole chapters in Orgasm Unleashed, and in one of them I have a whole structure a holistic transformation model, and the first one of the first stage is to reflect on where you are at exactly, what’s you limiting beliefs, what’s your judgements about yourself. Some women say they don’t like their vagina, don’t like my smell I don’t like this and i don’t like that. So just realizing just recognizing what are my blockages, because if you have a problem with something you have a problem. Looking at that and saying okay I understand and then very gradually, not suddenly going to some sex orgy, start with yourself you start exploring with yourself then you start playing with yourself and i suggested to my clients and my workshop participants, and even the smallest amount of self play, some women say they have guilt and shame coming up. So then I say, stop pushing too hard and instead of running away just stay with whatever happens. Pleasure, pain, emotions. Men and women, but we are talking about women here, are not connected to their bodies, to their genitals. Again women are often really only going shallow during self pleasure, really only scraping the surface, escaping from the emotions, escaping from the energy coming up, so if a women is having guilt and shame around her sexuality, start exploring it with herself, start exploring it with her lover. Suggest that maybe today we can do that. Don’t tell him, just ask him, oh I’d really like to explore that.
S: So gently go into that terrain and exploring. So can you tell us a little bit about the famous G-Spot and the G-Spot orgasm
E: So we’ve already talked about clitoral orgasm, which is like a short and sharp peak of pleasure, which is ,OK and afterwards many women would recognize they have this oversensitivity of the clitoris, and this feeling of ‘don’t touch me’ and this can last from a few seconds few minutes even a few a hours of sensitivity, and like their whole interest drops down and the passion drops down a little bit, and then some women describe it as a release but it’s really like a loss. In other kinds of orgasm which are implosive, they are containing the energy instead of losing their energy, and the G-spot orgasm is one of these. I would say not get too attached about the type of orgasm, the idea is to move away from those explosive orgasms, and move into all the other realms of implosive orgasms, which are much more round, can be much, much, much more longer maybe not as sharp as the clitoral orgasm, and not so physical either. Clitoral orgasms, like a man’s ejaculatory orgasm, is physically a strong experience, with internal orgasm, G-spot orgasm, all body orgasms, you start to experience more the energetic realm, the emotional realm, you start maybe crying not because of sadness, you start travelling and start feeling love, feeling union, we start to have spiritual openings and experience of union with your higher self and your partner with the world, so really when we say all of these orgasm they are all so different.
S: What about this very famous cervical orgasm, So this is known in the Tantra world, can you tell about this little mystery?
E: The Cervical orgasm is considered one of the most ultimate orgasms that a woman can experience and this is some level is the core of her femininity. They can be earth shattering and very gentle at the same time. So I was saying about clitoral orgasms being really really sharp, and G-spots being strong but in a bit more rounded way, the cervical orgasm is much more than just round, it goes into those other dimensions I was talking about, feeling your whole energy body’s feeling your whole body vibrate, physically, energetically, going into heart space in feelings of love, union, surrender, going into the dissolution, again sometimes it’s very very physical, and can be your neighbor’s from another room and it sounds really physical, but again it’s always different.
S: How would a woman know if she has had a cervical orgasm or a man, how do you know?
E: I would focus more on this state, and less on the point. So recommend you start to cultivate yourself internally and I recommended all of my clients and readers to use a dildo and to masturbate internally, and there are a lot of other experiences that activate your energy, and then focus on what you are experiencing a not so much if you are having that orgasm or this orgasm, because yes sometimes it is a little bit difficult to know. One of my teacher said that she can recognize it a women has had a cervical orgasm. I talked about twenty or so different kinds of orgasm but I feel it is very important to go then not so much with the intention of getting to something specific, but to open the field, I call it the state of orgasm. So many people look at orgasm as a moment, but when you start looking at it as a state, your whole sex life changes and your whole experience of yourself changes, because the moment it can last for as long as you want, for an hour, for a day. I had women that i was working with thtat had a 2 hour orgasmic state. They were just in total ecstacy, sometimes without me touching them at all for the whole two hours, just guided them to be there. So it was not a cervical experience, but an everything experience so I would very much focus on that and then also afterwards after the experience maybe writing this down in what they called orgasm diary and start collecting those experiences and then you look at that later you understand what’s been going on.
S: I think I might be starting an orgasmic diary maybe even an orgasmic video diary. You can find out more from this book which is really full of essentials for women as well as men, because as Eyal also pointed out, this is unknown territory for everyone and it’s always useful to have some way to understand it a little bit more.
You can get a copy of Eyal’s book here: Orgasm Unleashed: Your guide to pleasure, healing and power