Were you ever making out with a woman who seemed aroused but suddenly switched off?

It happened to me.

I remember dating this tall gorgeous redhead in England a few years ago.
We enjoyed being together and we made love nearly every day.
One day as I was hugging her from behind, i felt her breathing deeper and softening in my arms. Then I put my hand on her breast – and she immediately froze and pushed my hand away. She got a bit angry. She said she was getting aroused but the way i touched her was a total turn-off.

Learning how to touch a woman in a way that actually arouses her – rather than switching her off – changed everything for me.

Many of my female clients complained that men touch them in a way that is off-putting and diminishes their trust in the man.

You see, men and women touch, and like to be touched, in different ways.

Men are direct, they “go for it”, while women are indirect.

Men get aroused quickly, while women take time to get aroused, to be ready for sex, and to orgasm.

Men like their genitals touched much earlier than women.

So, one of the ways to arouse a woman in the way she wants to be touched, is by using the “hinting” touch.

How to touch a woman – The Hinting Touch

There are a few benefits to the “hinting” touch:

• Arouses and pleasures her more than the “direct” touch
• Builds trust and connection
• Helps her feel more safe and relaxed with you
• Improves your sensitivity and intuition
• Brings more pleasure to you and your own body
• By taking focus away from the genitals, it creates more whole-body pleasure and possibly whole-body orgasms
• Helps you move away from “goal-oriented sex”
• Is healing and empowering, specifically for women whose boundaries have been crossed in the past

The hinting touch is like saying

“I know your body/mouth/breasts/ass/vagina/whatever is right there, and I’m going to take my time before touching it”.

When you’re with a woman, you should “hint” towards her erogenous zones, by going near them or around and around them.

“Hinting touch” is sometimes referred to as “teasing” but this word has some negative connotations so I much prefer the term “hinting”.

Hinting touch starts a long time before you actually have sex.

Sensual Hug:

Hugging is under-rated.

It’s one of the basics of intimacy and later, sex, because sex is a bit like a horizontal hug.

Hugging allows you to co-regulate your nervous system, to look at each other while being in physical contact, to share some touch, to synchronized your body movements as if you were couple-dancing.

When you’re hugging your partner, enjoy her body, how she looks and looks at you, her smell, her sensation of her clothes and her skin, and any soft body part which is pressed against yours.

Develop your ability to romance, to sweet-talk, to share intimacy with your cloths on and without touching any sexual areas.

If and when you feel she’s getting aroused, don’t grab her ass.
Instead, hold your hand on her lower back, which is a very erogenous area by itself.
You can then move your hand along her lower back, the sides of her hips, briefly touch her upper thighs, especially the line between her ass and her thighs.

And when you finally touch her ass, just hold her buttocks in your hand, enjoy the sensation, notice how she responds.

It’s not a routine.

What i’m sharing with you is an approach, a mind-set to inspire your actions.

For me, sensual hugging is a form of foreplay.

Foreplay:

Foreplay is considered by many people, both men and women, to be just a warm up, a way to get someone aroused and ready for sex.

Instead, i suggest you enjoy foreplay for its own sake.

Foreplay starts when you first see each other, or even earlier if you share a sexy text message or a quick call. Side note: No dick pics please – most women don’t respond to them in the same way a man might respond to a photo of a woman’s body. It’s totally anti-hinting!

Foreplay is a great opportunity for you to get to know each other on a non-verbal level, to signal that you are appreciating everything about the interaction, that you aren’t rushing, that you would like to enjoy more of her, and that you know what you’re doing.

If foreplay is good, it’s a “hint” that sex might be good later on.

When you learn how to touch a woman with this approach, she will be more relaxed because you’re not rushing, and more aroused because this is the way women prefer to be touched.

As you are both getting aroused, you might naturally escalate towards sex, or you might not.
So, cherish every moment and anything you experience together.

Kissing:

When you kiss her, don’t try to stick your tongue as early and as deep as possible into her mouth.
Instead, first kiss her cheeks, then kiss the sides of her mouth, for a minute or two.
Then kiss her on the lips but don’t use your tongue, yet.
Just hold your lips on her lips, and breathe through your nose.
Wait for her mouth to open, and when it does, wait and cherish the softness of her lips, the smell and sound of her breath. Then slowly insert your tongue into her mouth and just pause.

The “Pause”:

The “pause” touch is another practice of “hinting”.
Whenever you do something new or touch somewhere you haven’t touched before, just pause.
Hold wherever you’re holding, relax your breath and body, feel your body touching her, and let her relax into feeling her body and your touch on her body.
Do this often.
I wanna emphasize this because both men and women rush things.
“Pause” doesn’t mean “Stop”. On the contrary, you are fully engaged, you both relax, you feel your feelings and bodily sensations, you feel each other.
And then you continue.

Learning to touch a woman in a way that feels both safe and arousing is something i’ve been exploring for 35 years. Learning this has greatly improved my relationship and love life.
I created a free program “The Basics of Female Pleasure” with important theory about women’a arousal, a video demonstration of the “Sensual Hug”, and more – See below.

Touching her breasts:

When things are heating up, and you feel she is ready for you to touch her breasts, take your time.
Caress, touch and hold her neck, shoulders and upper chest.
Hold your hand on her upper belly or lower ribs, under her bra line.
Your thumb can rest on the middle of her chest.

The message is “I know your breasts are there…. aaaaaand i have enough time”.

Do this for a while, and her breasts will charge up with sexual energy. She is probably used to men touching her too early, too fast, and too rough. Your gentle and gradual touch builds trust, arousal and a yearning to be touched.

If you want to be sure, you can ask her if she wants you to touch her breasts.

When you finally do touch her breast, don’t squeeze them.
Just hold her breast in your hand, from underneath.
Feel her breast, and let her feel your hand holding her breast.

Touching her vagina:

When you are making out for a while and you keep getting a “yes”, both verbally and physically, you can proceed towards her vagina, but don’t touch her vagina yet.
Hold, touch, and caress her lower belly, her inner thighs, and all around her ass and hips.

If and when she’s rubbing against you or asking you to put your finger inside her, take your time.

Don’t be like other men who finger her too early, too fast, and too strong. This is what most women i talk with complain that men do. It often hurts them but at times they still don’t say anything.

Instead, first make sure you have touched her all AROUND her vagina – as I mentioned above, with the same “hinting” approach.

Then cup her vagina with your palm and just hold her.
When I did this with women, some of them relaxed into my touch, some got aroused, and some cried because it was so meaningful and healing for them to be held instead of rushed.

Next, explore her labia and clit with your finger, gently.
Make sure you are moving slowly, and that your fingers are not dry.
Get close to her clit, but don’t apply too much friction or stimulation, for too long, directly on her clit.
While you’re doing this, remember to stay connected with her through your presence, eyes, breath, hands, and the rest of your body.

Avoid too much clitoral stimulation so she doesn’t have an “Explosive” orgasm that might drain her sexual energy.

Then circle your finger around and around the entrance to her vagina.
This is another form of “hinting”.
You know exactly where her entrance is, and you are taking your time penetrating her.
After a few minutes, ask if she’s wants your finger inside her.
If and when she wants that, insert your finger in slowly, hook it slightly up towards her pubic bone, and again, pause, just hold, feel her vagina and let her feel your finger.

When you touch a woman in this way, she might get more aroused and more ready for penetration. Still, enjoy what you’re doing and let go of any goal.

Oral sex:

This is another opportunity to use “hinting”.
Don’t “attack” her clit with your tongue.
Instead, go around and around her vagina – smelling, kissing, gently licking, softly rubbing your nose and your face (as long as you don’t have a scratchy beard or stubble).

When you do reach her clit, just press your lips on her for some time, then rest your tongue on her clit for another minute or longer.
Then move your tongue SLOWLY on her clit and up-and-down her labia.
Occasionally pause, with your tongue or mouth on her labia.
As mentioned earlier, don’t apply too much clitoral stimulation for too long.

Penetrative sex:

When she wants you inside her, first rest your cock on her labia for a few minutes.
Then bring your cock close to her entrance but don’t penetrate her yet.
Just circle around the entrance.
Ask her to ask you to penetrate her.
It’s very empowering and healing for a woman to invite a man into her, instead of just consenting.

After she asked you to penetrate her, do that very slowly, as slow as you can. This is again a “hinting” approach.
Once you penetrated her, pause and allow both of you to feel the sensations and to connect with each other.
Start moving inside her, slowly, and occasionally pause again for a minute or so.
When you learn how to control your ejaculation, you can stay inside her and last as long as you want.

As much as the “hinting” touch is great, remember it’s not the only kind of touch to use. Sometimes a woman yearns for you to just “go for it”, to kiss her, go straight for her breast or penetrate her without much foreplay. Even then, i ask her “Yes?” and wait for her “YES!” or, better, “I want you inside me NOW”.

Another important side note, is that you first start with asking for consent, which is crucial. Some women might be frustrated you’re asking too much, so you can tone it down a bit.
As you develop your perception and communication skills, and as your woman feels more comfortable to express her needs and desires, you will be better able to connect with and pleasure each other.

THERE’S MORE…

If you want to learn how to touch a woman, become a better lover, deepen intimacy and heart-connection, and to open her body to more pleasure, check out my 8-hour “Awakening Female pleasure” online video program.

It’s not porn, not a magic solution, not a trick, and no mindless routines.

Instead, you first learn the THEORY about female pleasure and women’s orgasms, you share clothes-on games and practices for communication, such as the “Sensual Hug”.

And then there are physical techniques and practices – Breast massage, 5 elements touch, whole body massage, external and internal vaginal massage, and more.

More details: “Awakening Female Pleasure” – an online video program that teaches you how to connect to a woman and awaken her pleasure.

Or, you can start with the free 2-Hour version below: