I’m a man.
I write, teach, and coach people about sexuality, and a large part of what I teach is about female-sexuality – women’s bodies, experiences, and orgasms.
I’m sometimes asked:
“How dare a man talk about women’s sexuality?!!”
“How can a man relate to the experiences and sensations of a body he doesn’t have?”
That’s a fair question.
The short answer is:
I don’t know how it actually feels to be a woman.
However I do have many years of meaningful love making encounters, as well as professional sexual healing sessions with hundreds of women.
I have studied and practiced many modalities of healing, therapy, sexuality, personal development and yoga.
Furthermore I have been teaching theories and practices that have helped women resolve trauma, become multi-orgasmic, empowered in their femininity and sexuality, connected to their body and to their partner, and able to use their sexual energy to transform their lives.
The longer answer is:
My life journey has prepared me to do the work I do.
I have always loved, adored and worshiped women.
I’ve always been interested, intrigued, and fascinated by them.
When I was 13, a female friend who knew I was interested in martial arts lent me a book about Ninjas. I discovered that those ninjas were not only fighting but also have sex. Inside the book I found long, detailed, vivid, graphic descriptions of love making and the inner sensations and emotions that the characters were experiencing. I learnt so much about how sex and love making can be like and feel like.
At that time, and for most of my life, I have hardly watched porn.
I believe that being exposed to those detailed written descriptions, rather than to porn, laid the foundation to my attitude, perception, and competence in sex and to deeper meaning, intimacy, connection, contribution, openness and love in my interactions with women.
Most important, I learned about how women feel when they are related to and touched in a way that acknowledges, honors and celebrates them as women.
At around age 14, I accidentally witnessed a young woman being gang raped (read my account of it here). I was horrified and in some ways traumatized, but I was also transformed.
This event has deeply affected the way I approach sexuality and relate to women.
I vowed to treat women with love, respect, and tenderness and committed to serve, protect, and heal them. Much later, it has led me to become a sexual healer.
For the next 6 years I wouldn’t persuade or push my girlfriends or “dates” to have sex with me, because I perceived the “pushing” to be wrong. Instead, we engaged in long hours of kissing, caressing and foreplay that didn’t lead to sex. That, again, has taught me a valuable lesson, and allowed me to enjoy and appreciate any kind of pleasure and intimacy, to delight in the mere company and presence of a woman, without needing to reach a goal.
That was also when my exposure to those books, rather than to porn, started expressing itself.
Instead of the mechanical, superficial, derogatory and genital-focused attitude that porn actors express, I approached a woman in a gradual way with the intention of pleasuring and connecting with her. As I wasn’t focused on penetration or even the genitals, I learnt how to touch, arouse and pleasure my partner throughout her body, and to sense her subtle responses to what I was doing.
One day, while collecting wood for a bonfire, I noticed the body language of one of my high school friends and asked her “has anyone ever done anything to you against your will?”, she was shocked at first, but soon told me that her uncle sexually abused her, and that only 2-3 people knew about it. I became the confidant of her and other women who went through similar experiences.
When I started having sex, at 20, I was only having occasional partners. Sometimes I’d go for long months, once up to a year, without having sex. So whenever I did, I cherished and celebrated and made the most out of the encounter.
I also started experimenting with delaying my ejaculation and enjoyed hours upon hours of ecstatic love making.
At age 28, I left the corporate world and moved to a tropical party island in the south of Thailand. Connecting with women was one of my top priorities during those years of continuous tropical vacation.
I was previously a bit hesitant with approaching women but I managed to get over my fears and become confident with myself around them. I had deep and meaningful encounters with many women, and with some I was even in contact years later. If a woman keeps contact with a guy who she had a one night stand with, it kinda tells you something.
I never had sex when I was drunk, for the simple reason I never got drunk, and hardly ever drink. That already makes such a difference in the kind of connection you have with a woman when you’re having sex.
At age 30, I’ve discovered Tantra, and my life changed again.
I received confirmation for many notions and experiences I had for years.
Tantra has given me what I always yearned for – a profound understanding of sexuality, relationships, and life itself, as well as very advanced practices to be done by oneself and with others.
One of the practices that were briefly mentioned in the Tantra workshop I attended was Yoni or vaginal massage.
Shortly after that, I met a Japanese woman and apart from very passionate love-making, also shared vaginal massage with her. She kept having pain in one area of her vagina, but encouraged me to keep going. After a few sessions, she suddenly busted into tears. The next day, the pain was gone, and she experienced much more pleasure.
That was the first time I’ve helped a woman in such a profound way, and it deeply inspired me to keep practicing.
I soon moved to the Tantric community and for the next 5-7 years had a lot of sex. At certain periods up to 20-30 hours a week.
These interactions were even more meaningful, connected, sacred and pleasurable than before.
I was enrolled in very serious yoga studies, and attended meditation retreats and special workshops.
I realized how much presence and awareness were crucial for being a man and a good lover. This also served me later in holding space for my clients and workshop attendees.
Following the encouragement of lovers and friends, I started offering sexual healing sessions.
Within a few days, someone in the community had contacted me about a professional paid Yoni massage healing session. She didn’t hear about it from anyone, she just thought I would be appropriate to do it. This was a clear sign for me that I’m on the right path.
In the following years I did countless sessions, read books, watched documentaries, and had coaching and training sessions from other professionals – women and men who had many years of experience in Tantra and other sexual traditions.
I started to have realizations and insights which I didn’t encounter in any book or hear from anyone I came across.
I worked with victims of rape, incest, sexual abuse; with women who had pain, irritation or anxiety around sex; and with others who had deep trust issues with men.
The changes and transformations I witnessed in those women were profound.
In the space of one or a few sessions, they went beyond trauma and victim-hood, expressed emotions that were suppressed for years, and started feeling pleasure. They started shining, asserting themselves and connecting with men in the community.
I became very good in helping women experience states of ecstasy and orgasm which were going for long minutes, sometimes for hours, and occasionally would be felt for days. Then I started teaching them how to reach and extend their orgasm by themselves. I also started mentoring others, both men and women.
Apart from the physical work, I was also working on the energetic, emotional, and mental levels, as I realized that cultural and social conditioning had a lot to do with sexual inhibitions and pains.
My personal love life grew and expanded hand in hand, and the experiences I was having with lovers taught me nearly as much as the professional healing sessions I was having with clients.
When many people started asking me questions about how to do yoni massage, I started holding “yoni massage and female sexuality” workshops in Thailand and later in Australia, which became very popular.
In Australia I attended further workshops, trainings and seminars.
I gradually incorporated more therapy, healing, counseling and coaching modalities and ideas into my sessions and workshops.
Witnessing students and clients’ life transform and hearing their gratitude was proving to me over and over again that my theories and techniques were solid and efficient in helping people.
So, although I am not a woman and would never know how it actually feels to be one, I do have enough study and practice, both personally and professionally, to allow me to talk about women’s experiences.
I don’t claim that I know better than female sexual educators, but I do feel that sometimes it’s beneficial to have a totally different perspective. I have studied about sexuality with male as well as female teachers and both have taught me valuable lessons.
I feel blessed to have had the chain of events that led me to become a sexual healer.
I am in gratitude for all the teachers, friends, lovers, clients, participants and colleagues who taught me so much.
I do hope that I can contribute to you – to deepen your sexuality and relationship and to use the sexual energy to transform your life.
In love, gratitude, and service,