They don’t call it ’the oldest profession in the world’ for nothing.
Prostitution and the sex industry as a whole is here to stay.
My previous article explored the problems with the sex industry. Read it here.
But I don’t want to only talk about problems.
I want to explore the possible solutions.
I have a vision.
A vision for a conscious sex industry.
In this vision, sexuality is acknowledged as natural and a crucial part of our lives, and the sex industry can be a part of it.
The fact that sex workers do not only provide sex, but can and do provide much more than that, is recognized. They offer affection, acceptance, support, guidance, friendship and even love.
Sex workers can act as counselors, healers, therapists, coaches, sex surrogates, confidants, guides, and friends.
In my vision, sex workers are independent, strong, and empowered. They are sexually and emotionally healthy. And so, they offer their services from a place of love of themselves, of men, and of sex. (This article talks about female sex workers, as they are the majority of the sex industry, however it is also relevant to male and trans gender sex workers and providers)
Instead of making the man disempowered and dependent, sex workers can empower a man’s sexuality, masculinity and confidence.
Instead of perpetuating a need, they can teach their client how to not be needy, how to be independent in his sexuality, how to be a man rather than a boy.
Instead of getting him to ejaculate as fast as possible, they guide him in lasting longer and conserving his life force.
The client doesn’t pay for what he thinks he needs. He pays for the expertise and guidance of a professional.
When a man goes to see a sex worker, she is in control of what she offers him, what takes place during the session and how fast they go.
During some sessions she might just hug the man for an hour, in another session she might guide him to self-pleasure and in another she might invite him into her body but ask him not to ejaculate.
Gradually, the man is guided and tutored to be in his masculine power, which does not mean overpowering her. The sex worker is teaching him to witness, pleasure and worship the feminine, not to use and abuse it.
Some sex workers choose to engage only verbally with their clients, some offer touch, and others might offer a conscious sexual experience.
In my vision, sex workers teach men (and women) about everything related to sexuality, masculinity and femininity, touch, how to experience pleasure, how to facilitate pleasure, about sexual energy, about how to control ejaculation, turning sex into love making, about presence and connection, about expressing and receiving love, and ultimately, about the sacredness of sex.
In this vision, sex workers are working under the best circumstances and conditions.
They work during their preferred time of the day, and usually during day time.
They don’t rely on day-to-day bookings but rather sign clients up for a series of sessions that lasts for weeks and months.
They work in locations and environments that support and nurture them as women and as professionals.
They are charging rates that correspond to the life-changing value that they provide to their clients.
In my vision for a conscious sex industry, both the provider and the client are conscious, or at least, sober. They don’t use drugs and if they drink, it is only moderate quantities of wine.
In this vision, sex workers don’t fake their pleasure, their orgasm or their interest. Rather, they reflect to the man that his touch or movements are not pleasurable or that his conversation is boring. Instead of faking, they are real. They teach the man how to speak with a woman and how to pleasure her. By being real women, they help the men to become real men.
In my vision, a sex worker doesn’t just work with the man himself. Whenever possible, his partner will be aware of the sessions. And in some cases, the provider will work with his partner by herself or have a session during which she is guiding the men and his partner as they are engaging sexually.
In my vision, these sex workers don’t just work 1-on-1 with clients but become educators and leaders. They write articles, shoot videos, give talks and hold workshops where they share their knowledge and expertise. They train others in their art and craft.
I see sex workers being self-employed or working for worker-owned agencies or unions who only charge for administration and running costs. These agencies don’t take advantage of their workers. They seek the best clients for them. They protect their workers. They fight for them if their boundaries have been crossed.
The new ‘madame’ doesn’t control her ‘girls’ or teach them to keep clients hooked. She helps her sexual healers to grow and to empower their clients.
Sex with a prostitute isn’t anymore a 10 minute fuck at some seedy motel room but rather an hour of pleasure, connection and sacredness held at a location that supports these qualities.
A strip club isn’t a place to watch women engaging in rehearsed moves aimed at triggering men’s fetishes and receiving larger tips. It is a place where men go to witness and worship the feminine form and essence.
An erotic massage isn’t a regular massage with a happy ending. It’s an empowering bodywork session where the provider helps a man to be in his body. She removes any blockages he might have and helps him to experience long states of pleasure without ejaculating.
I have a vision for a conscious sex industry.
I know that this vision isn’t for everyone. There are those who aren’t ready for this vision, both clients and providers.
But those who are ready for it will see their work and their life change.
Sex workers who want to thrive in this new world need to study, to grow, and to adapt.
They need to understand that they don’t just provide sex but sexual healing, education and empowerment.
They need to study coaching, healing modalities, holding space, sexology, tantra, bodywork, and anything else that supports their craft.
University-level degrees or formal certifications aren’t necessary. They can join courses and seminars and read books.
Sex workers who want to succeed need to understand that they are running a business. They need to take care of their marketing, sales, branding and the development of their activity. They can do some of it alone and hire other professionals for what they can’t handle themselves.
In my vision, all kinds of sex work are appreciated by society and accepted by the law.
Sex work is made legal. Restrictions are loosened.
The law protects the providers and prosecutes anyone who hurts them.
Industry organizations are created to guide, help and represent sex workers. They are lead by industry leaders and veterans and assisted by other professionals.
The public perception of sex workers changes through media campaigns and endorsement by leaders and celebrities. It is no longer a shame to see a sex worker. Some see psychologists, other see sex workers who act as therapists.
Strip clubs and brothels become temples for worshipping the feminine, the masculine and their union.
Sex workers become leaders, teachers and priestesses of this new faith, where sex and spirit meet.
I have a vision for a conscious sex industry.
What can you do to make this vision into a reality in your own life and out in the world?
Join the discussion in the comments below.
Do you need my guidance in bringing this vision into your life?
I’ve helped other sex workers leave their agency, raise their rates and change the way they work, and I can help you. Checkout my ‘Mentoring for sexuality professionals’ page here.
About the author:
Eyal Matsliah is an author, speaker and coach.
He helps successful people unleash their sex, biz and spirit.
They learn to harness their sexual energy, help others and create wealth.
* This piece was inspired by conversations with Vanessa Florence and by coaching work with Alejandra Nicolazzo, who left her agency, then left sex work and turned into a sexuality coach and educator.